Deepika Padukone dumps Siddharth Mallya after dinner date!
Siddharth Mallya (left) and Deepika Padukone in happier times.


By UnReal Mama

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

Bollywood actress Deepika Padukone has ended her relationship with business tycoon Siddharth Mallya ‘citing irreconcilable differences in class and status’. According to unconfirmed rumours, the leggy lass dumped the junior Mallya in Bangalore’s swank Taj Hotel when the latter requested her to pick up the bill after a sumptuous evening meal. The shocked actress poured her diet coke into Mallya’s glass of Kingfisher beer and left in a huff, revealed witnesses.

“So cheap yaa,” Deepika later confided to The Unreal Times. “First he insisted we travel by auto instead of the Merc. Then when I asked him for a dress, he took me to a low end bazaar with an end-of-season sale offer and bargained like crazy for the one top he finally bought; I was so embarrassed! Asking me to pick up the tab after our meal at the Taj was the last straw! This is not on, yaa,” cried the pretty starlet, who has now updated her Facebook relationship status from ‘It’s complicated’ to ‘Single’.

Siddharth Mallya, however, cannot understand what the fuss is all about. “I told her I’ll return the cash after the government bails out dad. But she just wouldn’t listen! Crazy female!”

Later, the Mallya scion, in a repeat of his testy exchanges with Ayesha Takia on Twitter, shed light on the turbulence with Deepika by tweeting, “Been getting retweets about Deepika  and dinner bill… not sure who she is, an actor of some sorts? But it seems something has upset her,” followed by “There are always two sides to a story. Pipe down love.”

Meanwhile, Siddharth’s father Vijay Mallya has been hard at work to find ways to steer Kingfisher Airlines out of the red. “For starters, consider changing the company’s color from red to green… green uniforms for air-hostesses, green paint for airplane tail and green Kingfisher calendars will send the right signal to finicky investors,” recommended Raghib Ahmed, aviation expert at premier management consulting firm, Booze Allen Border. “And can you please try and create some synergies between Kingfisher beer and the airline venture?”

The King of Good Times has accordingly instructed his Force India FI team engineers to rejig the Kingfisher planes to be able to fly on beer.

(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.comUnreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal.)