Encouraged by the umpiring standards in Asia Cup T20, Steve Bucknor plans a comeback to international cricket
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The umpiring standards in the ongoing Asia Cup T20 2016 have been very poor and it touched the nadir when the leg umpire Shozab Raza declared Thisara Perara out in the match between India and Sri Lanka, even without bothering to go upstairs. The replays clearly suggested that Perara had his bat grounded within the crease when Dhoni dislodged the bails off the bowling of Ashwin. More baffling the third umpire was not referred to. Video: Was Thisara Perera out?

Steve Bucknor watching the match from his beach house in Jamaica was alarmed with the proceedings.  Speaking exclusively to this writer (yes, this writer was there in a project to trace Chirs Gayle’s roots), Steve  said with a tone of sarcasm, ”I am delighted with the level of umpiring. It just goes on to prove even on my worst day I am still better than these umpires. And can you believe me,  still they criticised me for the MonkeyGate Test. Yes, I gave false verdicts sometimes but even then at least half of my verdicts were correct even during those long hours of Test cricket when Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar used to bat tirelessly while I was silently having a nap which thankfully nobody would notice. With Virender Sehwag at the crease, I could not enjoy that luxury.” Pick of the tweets: Asia Cup 2016, India vs Sri Lanka, 7th T20I at Mirpur

He added, “Either he would be targeting me while batting or would be teaching me Hindi movie songs at the non-strikers end. But I must admit, the standards of umpiring in this Asia Cup are pathetic. I mean, you can have one umpire who commits a mistake but you need someone like David Shepherd at the other end. You can nothave two Steve Bucknors on the same field!”

“And if ICC has no problems with it then I think I should plan a return to international cricket. As such all I do whole day in Jamaica these days is have a nap, but as I mentioned earlier, I could as well do that standing as an umpire and believe me even with eyes closed I have better record than these nitwits!”

Hearing this news, Sachin Tendulkar immediately replied, “Thank god, I retired before I heard this news. But, I hope god gives strength to Virat Kohli because though all the bowlers have tried to trouble him and failed, this is the man who can take his wicket easily!”

Ricky Ponting was seen raising his finger in delight to hear about the return of Bucknor and has even asked Steve Smith to follow suit if Bucknor comes for umpiring during any of their upcoming matches!

“Shout from the slips confidently and raise a finger and say- that’s out,” said Ponting to young Smith, reminiscing that controversial dismissal of Sourav Ganguly during the Sydney Test of 2008.

Let us see how things go on from here.

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

[Devashish Palkar, an MBBS student, A sports afficionado, news addict and a patient of OCSD ( Obsessive Compulsive Satirical Disorder)].