Gautam Gambhir is looking irked by the way he got run out against Australia in World Cup quarter-final match © Getty Images

 

By Vincent Sunder

 Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

I finally managed to get hold of Gautam Gambhir, and found him chewing on a ball in his room. Shocked, I asked: “Yo Gauti! What’s going on buddy?”

 

“Practicing for the game, yaar!” responded Gauti, as he again tried to bite into the shiny side.

 

“Sure you ought to be practicing, but shouldn’t that be running between the wickets?” I asked softly, not knowing how he will react.

 

“Are you mad?” Gambhir thundered. “You fans have a short memory, and you have forgotten what Shahid Afridi did in Australia some time back.”

 

“Worry not about public memory, Gauti. Everyone will remember the running between wickets at Motera. Actually, my sources tell me that Salman Butt, Mohammed Amir and Mohammad Asif thought they had you for company now!”

 

In a fit of anger, Gambhir yelled at me: “Shut up before I elbow you out the Watson way, you idiot!”

 

“Easy, easy, Gauti! Just that it was a tense game and you know……..” I was desperate now trying to find a way to stay in the room.

 

“Look, you arm chair morons have no clue to what is going on in the middle, do you?  Have you ever held a bat?” Gambhir sneeringly asked.

 

“Well, well, Gauti…….  I had a wooden toy bat when I was toddler for a long time, just that it was not Kashmir willow.  With all good intent my people fed me only Kashmir apples to keep the doctor away”

 

Going back to chewing on the ball,”Errr, this tastes terrible …”

 

“Could be cow hide, you know!”

 

Throwing the ball away in disgust, Gambhir glared again, “I guess I’m better off belting the hide off that ball then!”

 

“Yes, yes Gauti! Next game is very crucial, but just make sure when running with Yuvraj……”

 

“Look, you fool!  You people assume anything watching TV!  It was just that Yuvraj’s fly was open and I was keen on running up to him and telling him about that!”

 

(Vincent Sunder aspired to play Test cricket, but had to struggle to play ‘gully’ cricket! He managed a league side to title triumph in the KSCA tournaments. He was debarred from umpiring in the gully games after he once appealed vociferously for a caught-behind decision when officiating as an umpire! After two decades in the corporate sector, he became an entrepreneur with the objective of being able to see cricket matches on working days as well.  Vincent gets his ‘high’ from cricket books and cricket videos and discussing cricket)