The fizz is goneâ ¦. â It hurts, this ungli mein tingli. It has changed my game.â
The fizz is goneâ ¦. â It hurts, this ungli mein tingli. It has changed my game.â

 

By UnReal Mama

 

Harbhajan Singh revealed to this reporter that he plans to sue Pepsi for an undisclosed but humungous amount for making him forget how to bowl the genuine doosra and thereby hurting his cricketing career.

 

“During the ‘Change the Game’ ads, that kid had me convinced that holding the ball in that weird way would impart greater turn and fetch more wickets. Then those Pepsi guys made me drink 25 cans of Pepsi before making me bowl over 1000 deliveries with that silly ‘ungli mein tingli’ grip while shooting the ad. They had a New Zealand batsman at the receiving end who always ended up getting beaten for turn.

 

All that Pepsi drinking and bowling screwed both my bowling action and got me actually thinking that I had mastered a new form of the doosra. I was like “these guys are paying me crazy money and also teaching me new tricks”. It all seemed so rosy then. And then the home series against New Zealand happened. I would turn on the ungli mein tingli tune on my i-phone, hold the bowl in that silly fashion, trot up and give it a real rip. The Kiwis would invariably tie themselves in knots and my confidence was sky high. It all seemed so rosy then, like a sweet dream.”

 

He trailed off, his eyes brimming up with tears as he recollected the Pepsi shoot and the subsequent home series against the Kiwis during the winter of 2010. He then sighed and continued, “And then things began to change. During nets, even rookies would hit me for sixes when I tried to bowl the Pepsi doosra. The ball really was not turning at all. The bowling coach noticed my unconventional grip and suggested that I resort to my original grip. But I had forgotten my original grip. My dream was turning into a nightmare, with the World Cup around the corner.”

 

The Pepsi “change the game” ad was playing from a nearby TV and Harbhajan puked. Regaining his composure, he continued: “I experienced nightmares all the time. During matches, I would trot up to bowl a doosra but would end up bowling a lolly that neither turned to off nor leg. Batsmen mercifully, never punished me too much and I got away with a not too bad economy rate.

 

“Thankfully, we won the World Cup despite my non-existent doosra and that is why I broke down the way I did at the end of the final. I was like, ‘We still won despite the crap I conjured up.’ But now is the time for revenge. My lawyer is preparing a suit against two parties – Pepsi and that kid who taught me how to hold the ball – for conning me into bowling a fake doosra and making me to forget how to bowl a genuine doosra.”

 

Pepsi is yet to officially respond to this development. Meanwhile, a few incidents of smashing Pepsi cans by Harbhajan’s fans have been reported from Jalandhar, the off-spinner’s home town.

 

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)