Humour: BCCI to auction Indian bowlers in IPL style to international teams!

Rajeev Shukla © AFP

Under fire for mismanagement of Indian cricket, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) may yet manage to arrest Team India’s precipitous decline in both Tests and ODIs — and T20s too, for that matter. The world’s richest cricketing body has been advised by premier management consulting firm, Booze Allen Border, to ‘export Indian bowling talent to top-ranked Test-playing countries to level the playing field.’

“Right now, Team India is hugely disadvantaged by structural asymmetries. Batsmen from other teams get to gorge on VinayKumar and Ishant Sharma dollies while Indian batsmen have to cope with the pace and aggression of bowlers from Australia and England. This needs to be rectified,” noted Ebenezeer Flashbulbwallah, Managing Director of Booze Allen, in his presentation to BCCI head honchos.

Accordingly, the BCCI has persuaded the International Cricket Council (ICC) to direct the Australian, English and South African cricket boards to ‘purchase’ Indian bowlers in an auction to be conducted along the lines of the Indian Premier League (IPL). Each of these cricket boards will be given humungous grants by the BCCI to bid for a pool of elite players, including VinayKumar, Ishant Sharma and Ravindra Jadeja.

The base price has been set at $1 million, the amount for which Vinay Kumar was bought by RCB in this year’s IPL auction.

“Yeah, these guys are bloody expensive. We’ll have to pay through our noses by tapping into IPL revenues to off-load them to other teams,” glumly observed the IPL chief and BCCI fat cat, Rajiv Shukla. “But I hope people now shut up about IPL destroying India’s cricketing culture.”

Indian cricketing pundits have by and large lauded BCCI’s foresighted move. “Brilliant idea! Now Sachin Tendulkar can araam se score that 100th ton and Virender Sehwag can go berserk when facing, say, Ishant Sharma, at the Gabba,” raved Harsha Bhogle, who thinks this will catapult Team India to No 1 ranking in no time.

Meanwhile, Cricket Australia has convened an emergency meeting to discuss auction related strategy. “Sweet of BCCI to pay us to field Indian bowlers. But we just want to make sure that we don’t end up with Vinay Kumar. We ain’t Dr. Mallya, you know,” said a worried James Sutherland, CEO of Cricket Australia.


(Reproduced with permission from The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)