If the Indian ODI team were an IT company…

What if the Indian ODI team were an IT company? What roles would the different players play? Here’s our take:

Dhoni: The Manager. Does not come from a programming background. Came up the ranks from sustenance, support. Knows enough coding and has delivered successful projects. Used to specialize in delivering the project successfully literally minutes before the customer will start escalating. Handles external interfaces well by saying a lot without communicating much.

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Seems to be losing the ability to finish the project on time. He was also strongly supported by the VP. Unfortunately, that VP has moved to international projects now and is also undergoing an investigation. He also has an ambitious assistant manager and the HR head seems to be against him as well.

Ravi Shastri: The head of HR. Has replaced the earlier HR head who was quieter and more amenable. Has been propping up the assistant manager, some feel, at the expense of the manager. Motivational talker. Has experience of being a manager in the past. Has been able to handle corporate politics well.

Virat Kohli: Assistant manager. Is a very good developer and was groomed to become manager. Has been managing company initiatives and other programs without the captain. Of late he is saying that he will deliver only for those projects where he is in control. This is in direct contrast to the times where he used to slog day and night and single-handedly deliver.

Rohit Sharma: Is the sales manager. Often gets started slowly. Just when you think he is not going to meet his numbers, brings in big orders and achieves his goals. No average performance from him. Either achieves 25% or 200%.

Rahane: Is a systematic, process oriented lead. Is very good for longer projects based on waterfall model. Still struggling to adapt to agile development. Catches bugs very well.

Raina: Very enthusiastic team player. Was a potential manager, but lost his way as he could not handle tough customers.  He is still valuable under some conditions and is also a loyalist of the manager and the VP. How things go in the future, is anybody’s guess.

Ashwin: Is the financial controller. Has the knack of delivering profits even if the project was sold with single digit margins. Used to think of fancy investments in the past. Now has buckled down to focus just on the P&L and is doing a great job.

Umesh Yadav: Purchase Manager. He will get you things, but often will pay a lot more, putting more pressure on the financial controller.

Stuart Binny: Some say he is a better tester than a coder. Others say he is actually a better coder than a tester. He has delivered in neither. Also the son of one of the members of the board.

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

(Ramesh Soundararajan is a Bangalore based corporate executive, who is passionate about all things passive: Watching sports, reading books and attending meetings; Need to figure out, why the first two do not earn as much money as the third. The above article was Originally published in UnRealtimes)