India squad for ICC World Cup 2015: What really happened
India squad: What really happened
The five wise men of the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCC) has announced the 15-man squad for World Cup 2015. Humjee Break-Sheikh provides some stunning inside news.
Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction
Four men sat around the table: Patil, the man who had lit up MCG over three decades back and had hit Willis for six boundaries, sat at the head of the table; to his left was the dashing Rathour; to Rathour’s right was Hans, the Uttar Pradesh legend who had paid the price of being a contemporary of Doshi, Shastri, and Maninder.
Opposite Hans sat Saba, whose career ended cruelly just when he was proving his mettle in the span between the eras of Mongia and Dhoni. To Patil’s right sat Sanjay Patel; there was an empty chair between Patil and Saba.
“Where’s he?” Saba asked, slightly uncomfortable.
“Roger will be late,” replied Hans.
Rathour was not happy. “Bummer,” he said; Patil smirked at the opportunity of a pun, but did not feel like going ahead with it. Today was, after all, supposed to be serious (though everyone more or less knew of most names; there were at most two spots to be decided on).
***
An hour later, the selectors had written down thirteen names. “We need an all-rounder,” Binny remarked.
Hans and Saba exchanged looks. “Hayden,” Saba mouthed, and Hans could not help but smile. It was a code they had decided upon when they needed to discuss he-whose-selection-must-not-be-laughed-at. They had coined him he-whose-selection-must-not-be-laughed-at after someone had told them of a tweet:
What is common to Hayden and he-whose-selection-must-not-be-laughed-at?
They are both partners of Langer.
“We already have two, Jadeja and Akshar,” interrupted Rathour.
“Plus Ashwin, if you include him,” said a circumspect Saba.
Binny was not happy: “True, but they are spinners. We need a seamer who can bat.” Rathour rolled his eyes.
***
Another half-an-hour had passed. It was not a pleasant phase, but he-whose-selection-must-not-be-laughed-at had made an entry to the coveted rectangular sheet of paper after an dispute between Binny and the rest of the committee. Binny eventually managed to push his point through after a chain of convoluted arguments, the strongest of which was England’s inclusion of a bowling all-rounder who shares first name with he-whose-selection-must-not-be-laughed-at.
There was only one slot left. Patil was not amused. He was famished, as were the others. Binny, of course, had a hearty meal on his way, but the others craved for food. The unrest brewed.
“I cannot concentrate in an empty stomach,” Rathour stated.
“Talking of food,” Sanjay Patel said, “there has been a gift from an unknown source. Six packets of food. I did not mention it because I did not find it reliable.”
Saba snapped: “To hell with security, who would want to harm selectors before the team is announced? Get them here! Now!”
“I’m not hungry”, Binny said, but Patil, Hans, and Rathour all agreed that there was no point in leaving the boxes unopened when they were all hungry. One should not, after all, waste food in a country like India.
***
The boxes arrived and haughtily rested on the table in front of four pairs of hungry eyes. Rathour was the first to approach them. As he unpacked one of them, a familiar, famous aroma spread inside the room. Even the eyes of Binny and Patel gleamed in anticipation.
“Authentic Hyderabadi biryani,” Saba uttered in a impatient, awestruck tone. The politeness was all gone.
It took a minute for Sanjay Patel to leave the room with the 15th name on the list. “Save my packet,” he said on his way out to the Five Wise Men, whose feast had just started.
(Humjee Break-Sheikh eats, drinks, breathes and lives cricket. Unfortunately, he does not believe in social media.)