India to field cloned players for Adelaide Test; real players given rest for ODIs!


By Amrut Thobbi


Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.


After seven consecutive losses in Test cricket, Team India is gutted. After failed attempts at reviving interest in the ongoing Test series with go-karting, the Indian team has emerged with a seemingly fool-proof and out-of-the-box idea to bring an end to its misery in Tests.


Apparently, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has found a scientist who has managed to clone the entire Indian team! This mindblowing news is, not surprisingly, kept a top secret. Such is the secrecy, that only a select few of the top BCCI brass were aware of the developments. In fact, the name of the scientist and his location is still a mystery.


A BCCI official, on condition of anonymity, revealed, “The scientist has built a teleporter machine which is a boon for the beleaguered current Indian players, who will now have their clones playing the fourth Test at Adelaide. Of course, these clones are not effectively trained and will lose the Test. But then it’s not going to make any difference to the scoreline! At least the players will get the necessary rest ahead of the One-Day Internationals (ODIs), and our team would be able to compete in a relaxed frame as World Cup champions!”


Virender Sehwag, India’s stand-in captain for the fourth Test, finally found a reason to sport a smile in the ongoing tour because of the teleporter machine. He said, “Well, the best part is that we need not handle the on-field pressure. We need to appear only during the post-match presentation and press conferences.”


However, some Indian players wore a worried look about the idea of cloning. Newly-wed Ravichandran Ashwin opines,” Well I am worried about the possibility of my clone wandering around my room when my wife is alone in her room. Its scary and an invasion on my privacy.”


The BCCI though can’t stop patting its own back for pulling off a masterstroke. The BCCI official said that the board is planning to clone some of its members to ignore the pesky Indian media which generally likes to mob and irk them with irritating questions. “Let the clones do the talking,” guffawed the BCCI official.


He further added,” Every one’s calling BCCI all kinds of names, the Indian team for avoiding practice sessions and instead having fun. The clones would give the real Indian players an opportunity to take the much-needed rest, which would mean they will be actually fresh ahead of the ODI series.”


Our sources informed us that this move could possibly encourage BCCI to arrange for more cricket matches as with more players in hand, there can’t be complaints of too much cricket. As they say in Hindi, Ek se bhale do!


(Amrut Thobbi, an engineering graduate now pursuing Masters in journalism, is an ardent cricket fan who likes to write spoofs, like the one above. His passion for writing inspired him to give up a sales and marketing job, which he does not regret. By writing on cricket, he wants to relive his dream of becoming a cricketer. He has also worked as a freelance writer in education and technology sectors)