Indian bookies say Pakistan is safe for cricketers. Illustration: Prakash Dhole
Indian bookies say Pakistan is safe for cricketers. Illustration: Prakash Dhole

 

By Rahul Roushan

 

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

A delegation of Indian bookies, after their week-long official tour of the neighboring country, has concluded that Pakistan was absolutely safe for any cricketing tour and the Indian government could send its national team there without worrying for security of the players. Bookies are expected to brief various representatives in the government and the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) soon and submit a detailed report on their findings.

 

“We were treated with respect and love and we saw unparalleled enthusiasm in fellow bookies across the border,” said Sharad Kalra, one of the “representatives” of the bookies who went on the “fact-finding mission” to Pakistan. “At no point of time we felt any threat to our security or senses. Everyone we met was only talking about cricket and match-fixing.”

 

Bookies believe they can fix the diplomatic relationship between India and Pakistan.

 

“We also got thirty million rupees that was outstanding after the World Cup semi-final match between India and Pakistan. They surely have big hearts!” he added.

 

Sharad Kalra dismissed the fears that Indian cricket team could be attacked like the Lankan team was ambushed two years ago, after which no international team toured Pakistan to play cricket.

 

“It wasn’t any pre-planned attack. From what we have learnt, it was just a routine AK-47 gunfight between different militant groups in Lahore in which the Sri Lankan bus was accidentally and unfortunately caught,” Kalra revealed. “We just need to involve such militant groups while preparing the tour itinerary.”

 

Kalra further offered such tour planning and scheduling services to the BCCI and the government claiming that the bookies enjoyed close relationship with such groups.

 

Kalra doesn’t fear getting arrested when he plans to meet the government officials in the next few days, for he describes himself as a “bookie sympathizer” than a functioning bookie. However, he favors legalizing betting.

 

“We have heard the government has been submitted a proposal to legalize bribery as it could help curb corruption. If they legalize betting, it could help reduce the black money in India. All the money made through betting would become white,” Kalra explained.

 

(Rahul Roushan, is a graduate from IIM Ahmedabad, who goes by the name of “Pagal Patrakar” (that’s “Crazy Journalist” in Hindi). Rahul says for him, “satire is an attempt to point out shortcomings or oddities in our society, ideally with a message and intent for betterment, in a non-hostile manner and without sounding overtly accusative or pontificating.” He is the Managing Editor of www.fakingnews.com from where the above article has been sourced with permission)