By UnReal Mama

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

Munaf Patel successfully managed to bowl a death over off which 12 were required with Mahendra Singh Dhoni in a murderous mood, to take his team to a glorious and highly improbable victory. He pulled off this miraculous feat thanks to a superhuman acrobatic leap by Kieron Pollard near the ropes at deep midwicket to intercept a Dhoni missile that was headed out of the stadium and into the Bay of Bengal. Yes, it was that sort of a match

Later, Pollard would recall: “It was all a haze, man. Normally, I would have watched it sail over me but I suddenly realized that it was off the bowling of the man who had dismissed…gasp…Sir [Ravindra] Jadeja. Then, as though possessed by a supernatural force, I leapt like the Incredible Hulk to pluck it out of the air.”

Earlier in the day, knowledgeable Chennai fans knowing that this match featured not two but three legends of the game (not counting MSD) thronged the stands:

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

Indeed, even greats from the past assembled in spirit, braving the as always muggy conditions, just like Shahrukh Khan will at the Wankhede:

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!In the very first over of the first innings, Sachin Tendulkar, determined to not jinx it, departed for a duck, telling Ricky Ponting not to screw it up now that he had laid a tremendous foundation. The ball appeared to be going down the leg side, at least to Tendulkar, but the Mumbai Indians, weren’t complaining.

Soon, Ponting, after scratching around for a few overs, also departed, secure in the knowledge that his IPL run aggregate this season was higher than Tendulkar’s.

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

Rohit Sharma played a few elegant cover drives in his two minute cameo, and Dinesh Karthik ran out of his nine lives after playing some agricultural shots that made Sunil Gavaskar wince in the commentary box. It all seemed to be going according to plan: lose wickets early and thereby promote Pollard up the order. The burly Trinidadian picked off sixes as easily as he played out dots while Harbhajan Singh’s batting mirrored his career trajectory:

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!Thanks to their enterprising partnership, Mumbai Indians managed to post a challenging score of 148 for 6. The duo were duly rewarded at the dugout during the break.

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

However, confidence in the CSK camp was high for all too obvious reasons.

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

Alas, CSK hadn’t reckoned with the extra yards of pace Munaf had added to his bowling:

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

Wickets fell at regular intervals. With Sir also departing (off Munaf’s bowling), CSK were in dire straits at 66 for 5 before Dhoni launched the counter-strike to nearly take his team to victory. Alas, fate willed otherwise. Later, wild celebrations ensued not just in the MI dressing room,

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

but across the length and breadth of Australia as well:

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

Seismic tremors epi-centered in Chennai also rocked the subcontinent.

Later, Dhoni would recall that he kept himself fooled until the last over that he was still playing against Australia. Ponting also got the ‘naya soch’ award for the innovation of losing early wickets in the first innings, especially Tendulkar’s, and giving the final over to Munaf to set up an improbable MI win:

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

Pollard was declared the man of the match but the real ceremony would take place the next morning:

IPL 2013, CSK vs Mumbai Indians: An UnReal report and conversations between Mukesh and Nita Ambani!

(“Unreal Mama” is the pen name under which CS Krishna (left) and Karthik Laxman (right), the founding editors of The Unreal Times (www.theunrealtimes.com), write fictional news reports, dressing room conversations and other such articles marrying humour with satire. The Unreal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal. The above spoof has inputs from Unreal Times columnist Ajayendar Reddy)