Nehra Cap

The cap is called ‘The Ashish Nehra black-blue’ cap and the colors are chosen so as to indicate the bowler who has been beaten black and blue, said Rajeev Shukla

By Ashwin Kumar 

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

After honoring the highest run-scorers and wicket-takers with orange and purple caps respectively, the Indian Premier League (IPL) committee has introduced another honour cap called the “Ashish Nehra black-blue” cap, which will be worn by the bowler with the most expensive four-over spell. After careful scrutiny of bowling statistics till Thursday, Sunrisers Hyderabad pacer Ishant Sharma was the first to be handed over the cap by IPL commissioner Rajeev Shukla.

Speaking about the cap, Shukla said, “Arre yaar, this IPL is an ek dum esuperhit, but has also eseen esome of the most ridiculous bowling. In almost every franchise, there are bowlers who are trying to outdo each other when it comes to estupid bowling. That’s why we decided to honour this new esort of competitive espirit by having a new cap. Also, this is the first cap to be named after a cricketer and that honour goes to Ashish Nehra. The cap is called ‘The Ashish Nehra black-blue’ cap and the colors are chosen so as to indicate the bowler who has been beaten black and blue.”

Shukla said that though the award should have come much earlier, it is better late than never. “I’m sure Ishant’s run will be short-lived. He’s facing the most estiff competition from bowlers like RP Singh and Ashok Dinda, who have quite a few matches ahead of them to prove that their bowling esucks. Don’t rule our Piyush Chawla too. But ultimately, all the odds are with Delhi — imagine if they have Ajit Agarkar and Nehra playing in the same game. From an inter-franchise battle, it will become a battle within an esingle franchise itself (sic),” Shukla added.

The day ended with Ishant being interviewed by Ravi Shastri, who started off by hollering, “Hyderabad…Baagunnaaraaaa?!” before asking Ishant, “Well, uh, Ishant, tough luck. How did it feel like being taken to the cleaners by CSK?”

“Well, uh, Ravi, it felt relaxing. Feel much cleaner now,” stuttered Ishant, as he ran through his luxuriant mane.

“What was going through your mind as your approached Dinda’s record of most expensive IPL spell? Any butterflies in the stomach?”

“, only idli-vada.”

“Here is your ‘black and blue’ cap. Have a good one, Ishant,” signed off Ravi, bringing the awkward, cliché laden exchange to abrupt end.

“Thanks, Ravi,” said the lanky pacer as he sported the ‘black and blue’ cap and walked away.

Then mechanically turning towards the cameras, Ravi intoned,” Well ladies and gentleman, we have had a cracker of a match, over 300 runs have been scored and in the end, Yes Bank is the winner…That’s all from the Rajiv Gandhi Stadium in Hyderabad.”

(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)