Jaitley-Kejriwal to settle differences by a T20 match; Sehwag, Ishant, Kirti set to play

Arvind Kejriwal and Arun Jaitley have decided to settle all differences in a no holds barred high voltage T-20 clash that will be officially recognized as an international match by both BCCI and ICC. Highly placed sources confirmed that BCCI’s Rajiv Shukla is actively engaged in organizing what promises to be the mother of all clashes, one replete with vicious sledging, switch-hits, spin, attacks and counter-attacks. Revealing more details, Shukla told The UnReal Times, “Both e-Jaitley and e-Kejri are my close friends. One is Finance Minister and other is Delhi CM and more importantly, elder brother to Rahul baba. It is painphul to see them go at each other in the public. So I thought why not organize cricket ematch between team Jaitley and team Kejri to settle differences in spirit of sportsmanship. This will be like olden days where kings used to fight battles on chess board to avoid bloodshed. This ematch will be more epic than even India-Pak clash (sic).” Both Kejriwal and Jaitley have readily agreed to participate. “Yesterday, I had almost made up my mind to press ahead with the criminal defamation lawsuit against Mr Kejriwal,” Jaitley told The UnReal Times, “but at the last moment a SMS from Ms Barkha changed my mind. Thanks to that minor weight reducing surgery a few months back, now I have regained my fitness also and am gearing to lead my team ‘Jaitley’s  XI’.” Team Jaitley has already roped in Virat Kohli, Virendra Sehwag and Ishant Sharma. “Kohli will be my deputy,” Jaitley said. “In additional to anchoring the batting, he’ll counter Kejriwal’s sledging, returning a ‘MCBC’ every time Kejriwal uses ‘coward’ or ‘psychopath’. I am very certain that Viru is going to beat hell out if their pace attack, keeping very less for me and my college pal Rajat Sharma to do in the middle overs. Moreover ‘chota admi’ Arvind won’t have any clue while facing Ishant’s bouncers,” he chuckled Later in the evening when confronted by the media outside PVR Saket, the Delhi CM begin with his usual rhetoric, “Jaitley ji, bahut dekhe hain aap jese! Main aapke tutpanjiye players se nahi darta! [Jaitley ji, I will not be cowed down. I am not intimidated by your two bit players].” “Are ye Kohli-Vohli kya cheez hai ji?” he yelled. “Humne to Bedi (Bishen Singh) aur Kirti(Azad) jaise legendo ko apni team main pehle hi shamil kar liya hai ji [We have already roped in legends Bedi and Azad].” When asked if he was worried that his team lacked superstars, Kejriwal shot back, “Yeh aam aadmi ki team hai. Yeh kisi se nahi darti [This is a team of mediocrity. It will not be over-awed].” Today morning, AAP spokesperson The Ashutosh revealed further details of the AAP team: “Arvind ji has finalized our team’s name to be ‘Kejari’s Kommoners’ in keeping with our ethos. I will be leading the pace attack with Dadlani. Sanjay ji will be our wicket keeper. Raghav will open while Kumar and Somnath will fill the all-rounder slots. We will be fielding three spinners – Javed (Jaffri) bhai, Bishen ji and Jethmalani ji. We have also requested Lalu ji to let his son Tejashwi Yadav of Delhi Daredevils fame be the part of our arse and all [He meant arsenal].” Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction (Bholu Gaain is a very chilled out guy who likes to drink hot milk and an ardent biker who has done many stunts throughout my life especially in the Himalayas. His Twitter handle is @alok_aryavarta. The above article was originally published in UnReal Times)