'Tendulkar Bashers’ and 'Dhoni Haters’: Indian Government's elegant solution

PM Manmohan Singh announced a simple yet elegant solution to solve multiple problems the nation has been facing © Getty Images

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
 
The recently-concluded Chennai Test has allowed the Indian Government a measure to solve all sorts of national problems at the same time. Abhishek Mukherjee looks back at how the improvised decisions of the Government are going to help the country.


 
After the recently-concluded Test between India and Australia at Chennai, the Indian Government has announced a simple yet elegant solution to solve multiple problems the nation has been facing. Experts believe that these steps will go a long way to catapult India from a developing country to a powerhouse of the world.
 
The solution is simple: about three-quarters of the country — in terms of space — will be selected, and dedicated to form two humongous large, self-sufficient cities. The exact location of these cities will be revealed later, but trusted sources confirm that the cities will be adjacent to each other.
 
Since the cities will consist of people of a common interest, there will be an area common to the cities that will allow people with overlapping common interests to communicate with each other, going to the extent of even marrying each other and carry their mantra to future generations.
 
As of now the cities will be protected by a thick, impregnable wall to protect the citizens from any possible attacks. Immigration processes will commence shortly.
 
The Government has issued a statement addressing how this will solve the outstanding problems:

1. Economy: Since both cities will be consist of people from various social, economic, professional and intellectual strata they will complement each other to form an economy robust enough not only to sustain themselves, but also to provide surplus products to boost up the economy — not only for the cities themselves, but also for the country. The differences in religion, language, or financial status that go a long way to hinder such progress with be eradicated by the strong ideology and common interests the communities will have.

2. Harmony: The cities will take a leading role to show the country how to break the various barriers that stop India from developing into a first-world nation. All people in the cities will combine to form brethren of sorts, thereby setting an example in front of the country that is otherwise notorious for its tussles. For once the term ‘unity in diversity’ will hold some meaning.

3. Crime rate: The alarmingly increasing crime rate in the country will have no effect on the twin cities. Who would want to harm a fellow citizen, who believes in the same ideology as theirs? Won’t they be harming themselves if they do the same?

4. Corruption: The rate of corruption in the country will go down drastically. The main reason, of course, would be the economic boost of the twin cities. Additionally, the cities will be engaged in a healthy competition of sorts among themselves to outdo each other in terms of honesty. No one will want to deprive their own city of the money they deserve, especially if they are bound by causes this noble.

5. Education: Since the cities will consist of even the most educated people (who are also willing to aim for a 100% literacy rate for their cities) will help to draw efficient plans to complete their goal. The Government hopes for the rest of the country to follow suit.

6. Tourism: The cities will, of course, be the main tourist attractions towards of the world, since people all over the world will want to construct cities following the same ideology, but they would not be able to cope up, mainly due to their low population and lack of fierceness in their ideologies. Foreign currency will flow in, but that will possibly become redundant — as India will be the leading economy in the world.

7. Health: Given the outstanding progress the cities will make in terms of both education and economy, healthcare will be one of the top priorities. The infrastructure will outdo all others in the world, and will probably be the Health Capital of the World.

8. Energy: To support the evolution, a lot of energy will obviously be consumed. However, a group of leading scientists have come up with a unique solution even before the cities have been planned. They have found out a way to obtain energy from sources like eggs and tomatoes, which will be available in abundance in the cities after the Chennai Tests.
 
Readers are suggested to address the Government with any other problems they can think of.
 
The Government has not yet come up with the names for these cities, but as of now they have decided to call them Tendulkar Bashers and Dhoni Haters. The names may give way to more stylish, soothing names in future. People living in the space common to the two cities will be held in highest esteem, and will possibly form the core of the Government that will rule this city.
 
More to follow…
 
(Abhishek Mukherjee is a cricket historian and Senior Cricket Writer at CricketCountry. He generally looks upon life as a journey involving two components – cricket and literature – though not as disjoint elements. A passionate follower of the history of the sport with an insatiable appetite for trivia and anecdotes, he has also a steady love affair with the incredible assortment of numbers that cricket has to offer. He also thinks he can bowl decent leg-breaks in street cricket, and blogs at http://ovshake.blogspot.in. He can be followed on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ovshake and on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ovshake42)