Michael Clarke-Mickey Arthur disciplinary actions sends cricketing world in a tizzy

Michael Clarke (L) and Mickey Arthur © Getty Images

Four Australian cricketers were axed from the third Test squad at Mohali. Abhishek Mukherjee reports on Michael Clarke’s unprecedented reaction at the incident.

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
 
Four Australian cricketers — Shane Watson, Usman Khawaja, James Pattinson, and Mitchell Johnson — were dropped on disciplinary grounds, leaving Australia only 13 fit cricketers going into the third Test at Mohali, that too if Brad Haddin turns up in time as a replacement for Matthew Wade.
 
The four Australian players been dropped because they did not submit a three-point suggestion on time. The Australian Team Management’s Human Resources Department defended their cause, mentioning that it was a crucial project, which would have affected the players’ appraisal, but the four players in question simply did not meet the deadlines.
 
Their case has not been helped by the fact that teammate Ed Cowan managed to produce a 180-page presentation including a 39-page bibliography. Cowan has already been contacted by the leading textbook publishing company Schaum’s Outlines, and will serve as a reference book in many management institutes across the world in the forthcoming years.
 
Meanwhile, thousands of Project Managers, mostly based out of Australia, have submitted their curriculum vitae to the Australian cricket board, applying for the post of Test cricketers. On the other hand, William Bosisto, captain of the Under-19 Australian side, has already applied for a job in Tata Consultancy Services, thereby relinquishing his apparently useless pursuits in outdated attributes — batting being one of them.
 
“Unmukt [Chand] has been a great help”, says Bosisto, when contacted for a reaction. “Ever since I had dropped him in the Under-19 World Cup final he has been very sympathetic towards me, and is now using his contacts in India to get me a job. Once I get equipped in the real aspects of the sport, I guess I can outdo PowerPoint legends like Steven Smith to make it to the Test squad.”

Michael Clarke declares!
 
On the other hand, Australian captain Michael Clarke has been quite vehement in protest against the media outcry. In an unprecedented move, he has declared Australia’s first innings for the upcoming Test in Mohali, well in advance, as a protest against the PowerPointGate incident. “I have declared an innings closed prematurely last week, surprising fans all over the world,” said the Australian captain. “This is an extreme case, and extreme cases make people stretch themselves to take extraordinary decisions.”
 
When reminded by journalists of the infamous Test between South Africa and England, where both captains had conceded an innings (and therefore being accused of their true intentions) Clarke retaliated in the fiercest possible manner: “This is a wrong allegation. If you really need to protest, send it to the Board in writing — and make sure it’s in the form of a PowerPoint presentation.”
 
Australian legends Alan Border and Matthew Hayden, both commentating for Star Sports, have been practicing hard since the news came out earlier today. Rumours, however, suggest that they have rushed to enroll themselves for evening classes on Microsoft Office packages at the nearest NIIT.
 
(Abhishek Mukherjee is a cricket historian and Senior Cricket Writer at CricketCountry. He generally looks upon life as a journey involving two components – cricket and literature – though not as disjoint elements. A passionate follower of the history of the sport with an insatiable appetite for trivia and anecdotes, he has also a steady love affair with the incredible assortment of numbers that cricket has to offer. He also thinks he can bowl decent leg-breaks in street cricket, and blogs at http://ovshake.blogspot.in. He can be followed on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ovshake and on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ovshake42)
 
 The Michael Clarke-Mickey Arthur Bombshell