Mikul Hasrekar, now known as Michael Hussey, during his days as dabbawala in Mumbai
Mikul Hasrekar, now known as Michael Hussey, during his days as dabbawala in Mumbai

 

By UnReal Mama

 

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

 

Michael Hussey may exhibit the quintessential traits of a cricketer from Down Under, playing hard on the field and not giving any quarter to opponents, but his roots are very much Indian – Maharastrian to be precise! This stunning fact was indubitably confirmed when a distracted Rohit Sharma barged into the adjacent hotel room to tell the occupant to shut down the loud music only to find Michael Hussey dancing wildly to ” Chikni Chameli ” with a vada paav in either hand. A sheepish Hussey, after briefly attempting to explain his actions, eventually confided about his origins to Rohit.

 

Hussey was born Mikul Hasrekar to a Maharashtrian family of humble means in Maharashtra’s Ratnagiri district and worked initially in Mumbai as a dabbawalla. This meant commuting in jam-packed locals and scrambling to meet tight delivery deadlines – valuable training that would help him later as a batsman in being able to absorb pressure and scamper between wickets as though his life depended on it.

 

Hasrekar’s attempts to break into the Mumbai cricket team met with failure – his workmanlike ethic of running hard between the wickets and grafting rather than essaying elegant flicks or cover-drives were construed as hallmarks of mediocrity by the then Mumbai coach. A disappointed but not disheartened Hasrekar then decided to migrate to Australia for ‘a better life’ and there has been no looking back for the cricketer, especially after he jettisoned his Marathi accent, shaved off the mush and dyed his hair brown to assimilate into Australian society.

 

The news has created ripples in cricketing circles. Aussie skipper Michael Clarke fully backed Hussey despite his un-Aussie roots. “In my books, Hussey will remain a true-blue Aussie. I have warned the boys not to make fun of him in the dressing room,” said Clarke, although there were unconfirmed reports that Ricky Ponting had sledged Husssey in wake of the revelation.

 

The Mumbai Cricket Association (MCA) is now open to Hussey joining the Mumbai Ranji team, an invitation that has been declined by the southpaw. “Are you kidding me, mate? I have a penthouse on the beach front, own a Porsche, am married to a cute Aussie girl, and hang out on the weekends on Sydney beach ogling at bikini babes as opposed to watching Bollywood flicks in a dingy one bedroom flat! No way am I coming back to Mumbai to live in a shoebox and travel in those crazy locals again. “Maji satakli kai re!

 

However, Hussey has not managed to shake off one Maharashtrian – or for that matter, Indian – trait. ‘Mr. Cricket’ has a huge pin-up of Sachin Tendulkar in his room before which he regularly genuflects in hopes of getting inspired to achieve greater feats on the cricketing field.

 

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)