Panic in Team India after green tinge spotted on Wankhede wicket on the eve of the second Test

The Wankhede track (left) which has upset Team India. Picture on right shows Zaheer Khan in deep discussion with curator Sudhir Naik © Getty Images

By UnReal Mama

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
The Indian cricket team was in a state of panic after a green tinge was spotted on the Wankhede wicket, the venue for the second Test between India and England. The Indian cricketers’ worst fears were confirmed after close inspection with a magnifying glass revealed a layer of algae, which could potentially make the ball seam and bounce. Fortunately, there were no traces of grass which could have added more ‘carry’.

The boys are yet to come to terms with the state of the pitch. “This is bad news, very bad news indeed. I don’t want to see this wicket anymore,” captain MS Dhoni muttered to himself after inspecting the deck.

Does that mean the ball will seam and bounce more than ankle height?” gasped Virender Sehwag, panic written all his face. 

Am I expected to bowl on a greentop in India? Is this someone’s idea of a sick joke?” shrieked Ashwin, close to tears, as Zaheer Khan tried to console him.

Former Test cricketer turned ace commentator, Ravi Shastri, was also livid upon hearing the news. “We wanted a doctored pitch, but this is not what the doctored – I mean doctor ordered,” he fumbled, for once fumbling over his clichés.

While a pall of gloom hangs over the Indian dressing room, news of the microscopic green tinge has buoyed spirits in the English camp.  Upon hearing the news, English fast bowler, Jimmy Anderson, crossed himself and thanked the Lord for this miracle. “Take heart, lads. Looks like there might be something in it for us after all,” he cried, in a state of exhilaration.

Pitch curator, Sudhir Naik, has profusely apologised to the Indian team for allowing green life to thrive on the pitch, ordering the groundsmen to double their efforts to destroy these abominable life forms and design the optimal dustbowl that doesn’t offer any hope to pacers, and takes sharp turn from the second day.
“After my men are finished with it, even Yuvraj Singh should be a handful on this pitch,” Naik promised.

(Reproduced with permission from The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)