Revealed: Secret behind the rank-turner Mohali pitch

“That’s what the doctor ordered, I saw it coming and India win the cracker-jack of a game!” Those words travelled like a tracer of bullet all around Mohali after Ravindra Jadeja picked up his fifth wicket as India won the first Test against South Africa. The team doctor, I mean the director was ecstatic after India’s win and if our sources are to be believed he was about to replicate Imran Tahir’s run celebration and only at captain Virat Kohli’s request he didn’t do that. However that’s a different story.

Seeing the Indian spinners bamboozling the visiting batsmen is always a delightful sight. However, we have hardly seen that so far in this season apart from a One-Day International (ODI) in Chennai. The reason why we haven’t seen this happening more often has often been attributed to the wickets that have been produced.

The pitch curators have been under the pressure for producing spin friendly wickets. However, on occasions when they failed, nobody complained. But, since Ravi Shastri‘s appointment as the director, he has made sure that curators at least get a mouthful of expletives if they produce a wrong wicket. The recent incidence when Shastri came down heavily on Wankhede pitch curator Sudhir Naik has turned out to be a catalyst for curators around the country to prepare rank turners.

The writer, who was at Mohali, overheard Daljit Singh, the pitch curator at PCA, while speaking to one of the curators of Bangalore (where India will play the next Test). Daljit said, “I saw what Ravi Shastri did in Mumbai. I didn’t want to hear the expletives from his mouth. The fact that we are spared from his clichéd commentary is in itself a pleasure. I can’t stand his loud expletives. He is like the Arnab Goswami of cricket. This is the reason why we prepared a track that would start turning from Day One. In fact we were not prepared for it as our wicket suits pacers as well. I asked Ravindra Jadeja to carry all the dust and clays from wickets he bowled in Ranji Trophy this season along with him on his way to Chandigarh.

A good boy that he is, he did so and brought me a kitbag full of soil and it worked amazingly, you see.”

Sharing another secret, Daljit continued, “In fact, Jadeja as a note of thanks has exported another kit full of soil to his first IPL captain Shane Warne, so that he can out spin Sachin Tendulkar during the All-Stars cricket match.”

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

[Devashish Palkar, an MBBS student, A sports afficionado, news addict and a patient of OCSD ( Obsessive Compulsive Satirical Disorder)].