Shoaib Akhtar announces his own “mann ki baat” after every Pakistan match!

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

Buoyed by the response to his viral rant after Pakistan’s defeat to India  and theWest Indies in the ongoing World Cup, former Pakistani speedster Shoaib Akhtar has taken a leaf from Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s book and announced that he will be henceforth starting his own “Mann Ki Baat” radio address after every Pakistan match.

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“I am greatly moved by how cricket lovers all over the world have reacted to my rant against Misbah-ul-Haq, Waqar Younis, Younis Khan and others. I never expected such a response, so I’ve decided to go mainstream now. Inspired by Narendra Modiji, I’ll be starting my own ‘Mann Ki Baat’ radio address. I’ll be doing one episode for every Pakistan match on a trial basis. If it goes well, I’ll do an episode after every cricket match, even for matches like Scotland vs Afghanistan,” the “Rawalpindi Express” told The UnReal Times.
For the Indian audience, Shoaib’s “Mann ki Baat” will be carried by All India Radio. According to AIR sources, the phones in their marketing office have been ringing non-stop ever since Shoaib made the announcement. “All the ad-slots have been sold out! Can you believe that? And that too for rates thrice as those of Modiji,” said an exultant AIR official. “Shoaib Akhtar will single-handedly make AIR profitable!”

Meanwhile, Pakistan Cricket Board has passed an order forbidding contracted players from listening to Shoaib’s addresses, for the devastating effect it has on player psyche. “We have even deployed Ahmed Shehzad to tell the players that if any one of them listens to Shoaib’s words even by accident, they will not go to heaven and should be ready for the fire,” coach Waqar Younis said.

Former Pakistan captain and Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf Chief Imran Khan has warned Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif that he’ll go on another container-top agitation if appropriate action isn’t taken against Shoaib. Sources say that Sharif has already approached UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon regarding the issue.

In other news, Taran Adarsh has given 4.5 stars to the original Shoaib Akhtar rant that went viral.

(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with www.theunrealtimes.com where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)