Virender Sehwag: The anti-serious bids adieu

Non-serious was too mellow a word to describe Virender Sehwag. He did not believe in all that nonsense. They — we — are the serious ones, the ones who had grown up under the impression that opening batting is for glum-looking people who “give the first hour to the bowler”: he was not one of them. Nobody, oh, no serious person would end his farewell speech with “I also want to thank everyone for all the cricketing advice given to me over the years and apologise for not accepting most of it! I had a reason for not following it; I did it my way.” READ: Virender Sehwag retires (officially) from international cricket and IPL

No, Sehwag was not merely non-serious. He was anti-serious.

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This was the man who jumped up and down at the pavilion in frustration when Sachin Tendulkar blocked balls. Sourav Ganguly told us the story. Defending a ball also meant that he was missing out on a boundary.

He was the one to announce that Bangladesh are an ordinary side and cannot beat India.

He started World Cup 2011 with 175 against Bangladesh. When asked for a post-match reaction he simply said “everyone had a good match except Sreesanth”. He hit fours off the first balls of every league match in the tournament. When India won, he pointed out “Dhoni’s captaincy alone didn’t win World Cup for India.” READ: Virender Sehwag retires: Transcript of farewell message

He was on 195 when tried to hit a six at MCG and failed. Three Tests later he hit sixes to reach 100 and 300 in the same innings. Poor Sachin Tendulkar later confessed that he had advised Sehwag to calm down once he was on 295. Sigh.

Was he even aware that he was on the verge of becoming the first Indian to score a triple-hundred? One wonders, for he had scant respect for history.

When he and Rahul Dravid missed out on the world record partnership (by Vinoo Mankad and Pankaj Roy) for the opening stand by 3 runs, he mentioned, confusing everyone, that he hadn’t even heard of Mankad or Roy.

This, of course, is the same man who started farewell speech by paraphrasing Mark Twain.

He bettered that 309 with a 319, despite them telling you that his technique was faulty. Paul Harris bogged him down with a negative line when he was 291, so he baited Harris with “come round the wicket and first ball I’ll hit you for a six.” Harris took the bait, placed four fielders on the fence, and Sehwag hit him for a straight six. “I was getting bored,” he later explained. READ: Virender Sehwag: He revolutionised the art of opening the batting

How does one define Sehwagology (Oxford and Webster et al, we insist you include the word: it is a concept way cooler than ‘selfie’)? When Geoff Boycott called him “talented but brainless” Sehwag responded by saying that the Yorkshireman had once batted a day hitting a single four.

He returned to form with a hundred in an IPL knockout match in 2014. When asked about how he felt, he simply started with “(my) talent was always there.” For once Ravi Shastri was at a loss for words.

He also scored a 293. He became the first batsman to get out in the 90s, 190s, and 290s. Despite that he has the three highest scores for India in Test cricket, and is the only one to slam triple-hundreds (that, too, two of them). Barring Don Bradman he was the only one to cross 250 four times. Of Indian only Sachin Tendulkar matches his six double-hundreds. And he did all this at a strike rate of 82.

Consider this, for example: India are chasing 233 to register a historic victory at Adelaide Oval. The score is 79 for 1. Stuart MacGill tosses one up. By the time you feel like rushing out to the middle of the pitch and hold him back from stepping out, he is gone. Stumped. Just like that. Poof. READ: Virender Sehwag blasts 99 before lunch on Day One; misses out on world record

Years later he would say doesn’t “consider spinner as a bowler,” confusing Vikram Sathaye no ends.

The world has seen this disdain over time, against Shane Warne, against Muttiah Muralitharan, against the mysterious Ajantha Mendis. When Mendis and Murali had India all at sea in 2008, Sehwag carried his bat with 201 (yes, I know that line takes time to sink in) at Galle: India were bowled out for a mere 329. That 201 came off 231 balls; in the second innings he got a 52-ball 50.

Do you realise this article is going nowhere? I do. But then, I feel helpless, for Sehwag does that to you: leaves you without a clue. He has done that to bowlers. He has done that to poor spectators and coaches and critics.

He has done that to calm, cool, serene John Wright, who was forced to comment: “If that guy gets out to one more bad shot I’m going to really have a go at him.” When it actually happened, Wright had grabbed him by the collar after Sehwag got out to a poor shot. READ: Virender Sehwag vs Shane Warne at Chepauk: Treat for the Gods

Who bore the brunt the worst? Commentators? They had to endorse one outrageous stroke after another, for they led to strings of fours. It must have been difficult for the men behind the microphone, for they had been told, trained, taught, coached that these strokes were wrong, they would get you out more often than not.

But then, that was true for local coaches as well — in Kolkata and Mumbai and Delhi and Chennai and Bangalore and goodness-knows-where. Exasperated, they tried to coach their students out of the habit of playing away from the body. They have tried to explain dreamy-eyed youngsters that there cannot be another Sehwag. Dreams have been crushed, but then, some things cannot be helped.

But Sehwaaaaaaaag is the chant they can never get over. It does not have that same zing as a Saaaaa-chinnn, Saa-chin; but it is spontaneous, the kind that emits from your lungs as you leave your couch and stand up in your living-room, for Sehwag evokes joy, freedom, and more.

Sachin Tendulkar was a legend, but at least the word ‘legend’ exists in the dictionary. Sehwag is, well, Sehwag.

Your take, Oxford and Webster. Maybe find one word for ‘anti-serious-who-changed-the-sport-and-averaged-50-at-82-an-over-and-finished-his-career-by-quoting-Mark-Twain.’ READ: Virender Sehwag’s five most memorable knocks

(Abhishek Mukherjee is the Chief Editor at CricketCountry and CricLife. He blogs here and can be followed on Twitter here.)