Anurag Kashyap announces next movie “Girta Punjab”, based on Kings XI Punjab’s story

Barely has the raging controversy over “Udta Punjab” died down, hotshot director Anurag Kashyap has already announced his next movie titled “Girta Punjab”. As is self-explanatory, the movie will be a biopic of sorts, based on the tragic fall of the Indian Premier League team Kings XI Punjab. Also Read: Captain Dhoni oozes confidence on eve of Zimbabwe tour

“The movie spans from 2007, right from the first season of the IPL until present time. Right from the time it was under Yuvraj Singh to the present day. The best part about the movie is that it can be as close to reality as possible. For the first time in her career, Preity Zinta can get to play her own self on screen. Not that she has any other movies to do anyway. Same thing with Brett Lee. Having already had some Bollywood experience with the massive disaster called.. er.. Victory in 2009, Brett will be an asset. I also look forward to having him sing duets with Asha tai again, for Girta Punjab,” an excited Kashyap exclaimed.

Bollywood pundits anticipate the movie to be yet another addition to the library of classic Bollywood tragedies. “Many felt that Priety’s biggest disaster was Ishkq in Paris, but given the way KXIP has been playing over the last few seasons, their answers are now different. And given how KXIP sunk even further than IIP’s box office collections, it is definitely a tragedy that needs to be told on celluloid,” remarked trade analyst Taran Adarsh, the lone man to give a 4.5 star rating for Ishkq in Paris.

“Another real-life casting coup would be roping in Sreesanth, who is now doing absolutely everything other than playing cricket. His on-screen emotions after having received a tight slap from Bhajji were just so moving that only he alone can do justice to them in this film. Although all my films are known to be dark thrillers, I’d like some comic relief every now and then in this one. And who better than Sreechettan, with all his antics?! He’ll fit the bill to a T,” Kashyap added.

If the inception of Girta Punjab is anything to go by, it should ideally be free of the hardships suffered by its antonym predecessor. BJP MP, brash commentator, perennial laugher and well, former Indian cricketer, Navjot Singh Sidhu, has offered to be the narrator of the movie for all of 1 Rupee. When Kashyap mockingly mentioned that he could as well do it free of cost instead of taking just 1 Rupee, Sherry paaji, as he is known, apparently retorted that the only thing in life one got for free was dandruff.

CBFC Chief Pahlaj Nihalani, meanwhile, has already set his eyes on the film. “It’s bad and painful enough to watch KXIP as it is, for 2 months every year. And now, with a movie also based on it, it’ll just be too much to handle. I’m banning this movie in advance right-away,” Nihalani announced.

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with www.theunrealtimes.com where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)