Indian team can now stop worrying about English gundas as their new bodyguard Salman Khan (left) will keep a close eye on them © Getty Images
Indian team can now stop worrying about English gundas as their new bodyguard Salman Khan (left) will keep a close eye on them © Getty Images

 

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

 

Bollywood star Salman Khan has been requested by the BCCI to travel to England and become the bodyguard of Indian cricketers and save them from getting injured. The cash-rich board will pay an undisclosed amount of money to the muscular actor for this role, which reportedly has been accepted by the superstar. The decision was taken by the board after they were impressed with the way Salman shielded Kareena Kapoor in the movie Bodyguard.

 

“Our cricketers are no lesser a brand than Kareena, and currently they seem to be as vulnerable and delicate as the Bollywood damsel,” Nishant Desai, a BCCI official said. “Not only are gundas like Stuart Broad and Tim Bresnan physically attacking our cricketers, they are also being verbally harassed by eve-teasers like Nasser Hussain who called them donkeys. Our cricketers need protection,” Desai added.

 

The decision by BCCI was taken after Rohit Sharma dislocated his finger after being hit by a Stuart Broad delivery in the first ODI against England.

 

“Imagine Broad being bashed by Salman the moment he goes to boundary after bowling a maiden over,” Desai explained the board’s vision of protecting Indian cricketers.

 

Taking the help of Salman was decided upon after a high-level committee formed by BCCI rejected the option of calling off the England tour. The recommendation to call off the tour was given by another committee that had concluded that Indian cricketers were getting injured because they were playing cricket.

 

The conclusion was reached after the committee watched hundreds of hours of video tape of what seemed like Test matches between India and England.

 

“We have commitments to keep with Star Cricket… err… England Cricket Board, hence we couldn’t have called off the tour, but involving Salman appeared to be a very sound solution,” the BCCI official explained.

 

Bollywood experts point out that after Aamir produced Lagaan and Shahrukh owned an IPL team, Salman had been waiting to do something related to cricket, and hence BCCI might have found it easy to convince him.

 

Meanwhile, unconfirmed reports suggest that Salman Khan has already taken the first step as Nassser Hussain got an anonymous phone call early today that said, “Abbey gadhe, chup kar!”

 

(Rahul Roushan, is a graduate from IIM Ahmedabad, who goes by the name of “Pagal Patrakar” (that’s “Crazy Journalist” in Hindi). Rahul says for him, “satire is an attempt to point out shortcomings or oddities in our society, ideally with a message and intent for betterment, in a non-hostile manner and without sounding overtly accusative or pontificating.” He is the Managing Editor of www.fakingnews.com from where the above article has been sourced with permission)