Satire: 'Emraan Hashmi of the Match' award for fans ogling cheerleaders in IPL 5!

Ogling cheerleaders than watching the match will get the right spectator recognition in the form of  “Emraan Hashmi of the Match Award” ! ©Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

In order to encourage people to buy tickets to watch the Indian Premier League (IPL) matches, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has decided to award viewers at the stadium after each match. Five deserving spectators will be chosen after each match in IPL5 for awards named after celebrities. In fact, these awards have been sponsored by these celebrities, who will be paying sponsorship fee to BCCI.

 

A team of experts having an eye over spectators in various stands will be deputed and these experts will submit their report after every match, which will have recommendations for various awards.

 

IPL5 will have the following awards for the spectators at the stadium:

 

Emraan Hashmi of the Match

 

This award will be won by the person, who will be spending more time ogling the cheerleaders than watching the match. This is expected to be the most competitive category, and most likely the winner could be a man, despite homosexuality being decriminalised. However, experts don’t rule out a woman winning the award in Chennai Super Kings matches, where one sees male cheerleaders. Sources say that the sponsorship amount will be paid by Mahesh Bhatt to promote his upcoming movie Jannat 2.

 

Deve Gowda of the Match

 

The award will be won by someone who’d sleep off even during a Twenty20 match. BCCI clarified that their intention was not to encourage people to sleep off during matches, but the sponsorship amount was too lucrative for the board to ignore.

 

Deve Gowda refused to comment whether he approached BCCI or some middleman approached him for this sponsorship opportunity.

 

Digvijay Singh of the Match

 

This will be won by the person who will come up with a conspiracy theory to defend the loss of the team he or she supported. Calling the cricketers of the rival team as RSS agents will not help anyone win the award as BCCI wants people to think out of box.

 

Sources say that Vinod Kambli also wanted to sponsor this award, but he couldn’t better Digvijay Singh’s offer. Apparently Kambli has asked BCCI to give the Digvijay Singh of the Match award to person constantly on phone, and name this conspiracy theory creator award after himself.

 

Suhel Seth of the Match

 

Will be handed over to the person with a strong opinion on everything happening on the ground and around. The person, who’d always find fault with a captain’s team composition, field placements, scheduling of bowlers, etc. and would keep cribbing about ground conditions, flood lights, and dressing sense of the person in front of him would be favorite to win this award.

 

Shahid Afridi of the Match

 

The only Pakistani involvement in this year’s IPL will be this award, which will be handed out to a person claiming to have seen things that nobody else could see in the stadium. This is inspired by Shahid Afridi’s claim of watching Sachin Tendulkar’s leg shake while facing Shoaib Akhtar.

 

People claiming things like, “abbey, did you see? That girl in the fifth row kissed her boyfriend!” would also be eligible for the award, BCCI clarified.

 

BCCI, which sold off TV rights to Star TV for a whopping Rs 3,851 crore rupees, refused to divulge the sponsorship amounts of the above awards, but sources say that they will definitely help the board recover their office expenses and salaries of experts who’d keep an eye over the spectators.

 

Sources further claim that the board rejected the idea of a Manmohan Singh of the Match award for a spectator keeping mum throughout the match.

 

(Rahul Roushan, is a graduate from IIM Ahmedabad, who goes by the name of “Pagal Patrakar” (that’s “Crazy Journalist” in Hindi). Rahul says for him, “satire is an attempt to point out shortcomings or oddities in our society, ideally with a message and intent for betterment, in a non-hostile manner and without sounding overtly accusative or pontificating.” He is the Managing Editor of www.fakingnews.com from where the above article has been sourced with permission)