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Lionel Messi (left) and Thomas Mueller(right) will battle it out in the World Cup final © Getty Images

 

By The Flying Freak

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

Looking at the number of goals scored the FIFA World Cup 2014, the top body for the most popular game is contemplating bringing some fundamental changes in the way football is changed to keep the game more interesting. And it wants to implement all these exciting changes in the big World Cup final between Argentina and Germany. Below are some of the changes.

Powerplays: There will be two mandatory powerplays in the first and second half respectively. Under this rule, between 20-30th minute in first half and 70-80th minute in the second half, teams will have to field only two defenders so that the teams will go for the attack and the chances of scoring goals are higher.

Draw? Another key change is, if the 90 minutes of regulation time ends in a 0-0 draw, then the match will directly head in to penalties to keep the spectators and viewers interested. This is influenced from Super Over and unnecessary things like extra time which wastes the time of the spectators, viewers and the players of course!

Strategic timeout: This is one of the greatest element to have graced the gentleman’s game. Understanding the value of game-changing two and half minutes breaks in T20 matches, FIFA is all set to introduce strategic timeouts in both halves of the match. The captain of the team can signal a break by making a T signal with his hands.  According to FIFA, using this method will reduce the burden of coach cum managers who are busy passing on the strategies with animated movements from the sidelines all through the match.

Goal: The goals will be renamed after a sponsor. Moreover, any player scoring a goal in the 90th minute will get 100,000 Swiss francs and ‘MS Dhoni King of Death award’. (Of course there will be cheerleaders dancing at every goal attempted on target).

Free-Kicks will be renamed as Free-hits which sounds more ‘enthusiastic’.

The goalkeeper pulling out the best save of the match will get the ‘Karbon Kamaal catch’ award.

Keep Calm Award: FIFA noticed that it’s often the strikers who hog the limelight scoring goals. However, the role of defenders is highly undervalued. Hence the defender with neat clearances, spotless 90 minutes will get the ‘Kanna Keep Calm’ award.

Toss: Last but not the least, the start to a game is extremely important. To increase the excitement, the referee’s will be given a mike and asked to conduct a ‘terrific’ ‘toss-time’. The FIFA has even come up with a format for toss. A) Yell the name of the place preceded by the time of the day B) Even if it’s obvious, announce that it’s ‘toss-time’. C) Irrespective of who wins the toss, ask both captains about pitch conditions.

(The Flying Freak eats, lives, drinks cricket, but likes to mix up the sport with everything. An aspiring vocalist, he is aiming to win the Ghanta Awards soon)