Another Test match and the same result — the Indian spinners comprehensively bamboozled the South African batsmen on a rank turner. These five day Test matches are finishing faster than inter school tournaments and it’s a big worry. No South African batsmen barring AB de Villiers has looked like scoring runs versus India in this series. The ball has been turning square from day 1 and even Morne Morkel has had to rely on off-cutters, a la Venkatesh Prasad, rather than pace as he bowled with a different grip on Day 2.
Unable to take it anymore, South African skipper Amla has requested Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal to make a sporting pitch at Kotla, one that has a green tinge and doesn’t take too much turn. Kejriwal, who as we all know is a firm believer in ‘tolerance’ and sportsmanship, has readily agreed to Amla’s request.
Responding to Amla’s SOS, Arvind Kejriwal said, ”Proud of you and the boys, Hashim. We welcome you to Feroz Shah Kotla. I promise you that we will be great hosts unlike BJP governments which have produced highly intolerant pitches. The AAP government, which is really your and every other underdog’s government, will turn Kotla into Cape Town by adding fresh green grass to the pitch. This pitch, in keeping with the principles of diversity and pluralism, will offer something to everyone: bounce and carry on day 1 so that the likes of Morne ji and Dale ji don’t feel like second class citizens, good batting strips on days 2 and 3, and perhaps some turn on the last two days. We have even availed ourselves the services of expert pitch maker, Mr. Sudhir Naik, who had made that wonderfully tolerant wicket in Wankhede where you guys had scored a mammoth 400+ runs.”
Kejriwal went on to lambast the Modi government for intolerance in pitch preparation. “It seems pitch preparation instructions came directly from RSS headquarters in addition to Ravi Shastri for the Nagpur pitch. Sab mile hue hain, ji. This intolerance by Modi government and RSS in Nagpur should be dealt with seriously. We at Delhi will provide a prime example of tolerance. Let’s be fair and square!” the Magsaysay Award winner turned Delhi CM opined.
Hashim Amla is delighted with this gesture by Kejriwal. But just a word of caution to Hashim- Kejriwal is known for making U turns. This means the Kotla pitch could end up being even more diabolical than the Jamtha one.
This article first appeared in TheUnrealTimes.
Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction
[Devashish Palkar, an MBBS student, A sports afficionado, news addict and a patient of OCSD ( Obsessive Compulsive Satirical Disorder)].
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