Ian Bell (third from left) and Indian players walk off from the field for tea break on the third day of the second Test at Nottingham © Getty Images
Ian Bell (third from left) and Indian players walk off from the field for tea break on the third day of the second Test at Nottingham © Getty Images


2nd India vs England, Trent Bridge: Tea break.


The Indians are taking their ‘tea’ (to be precise, masala chai and samosas ferried in from a Malayalee Tea stall near the stadium) in their dressing room after the controversial dismissal of Ian Bell. Mahendra Singh Dhoni is seated in the centre with Suresh Raina, Ishant Sharma to his right and Rahul Dravid and Duncan Fletcher to his left. Sachin Tendulkar is forlornly looking out of the window. Harbhajjan Singh is heard muttering to himself in a corner of the dressing room.


An inside account of the drama that happened in the Indian dressing room after Ian Bell’s run-out. 


Raina (animatedly): Bell ki Ghanti baja di. Bahut runs le raha tha. Acha kiya usko out kar diya. 


Dravid: Well, well, all’s well, and that ends Bell.

(Everybody laugh uproariously. Suddenly they are interrupted by the entry of Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower into the dressing room)


Ishant (sweetly): Hello Strauss and Flower Uncle! Want some cutting chai? 


Strauss (looking distraught): No, thanks. Just had my tea. Donhee, you have got to take back your appeal and call back Bell. This is just not on. 


Dhoni (mischievously): Ghanta!!!

(The Indians laugh again) 


Strauss (puzzled): Eh? What did that mean? 


Fletcher: I think he meant Bell’s time is up.

(Some more guffaws) 


Strauss (exasperatedly): Look guys, I have no idea what you are saying. But poor Bell is in tears… this is complete bollocks. 


Dhoni (leaning over to Dravid and whispering): Rahul bhai, yeh ‘bollocks’ kya hota hai? 


Dravid: I am well versed with Victorian Era literature but not contemporary English slang. I think its something to do with balls or may be bellbottoms or may be bells and balls…er..lemme check on the Net. 


Dhoni (in a firm tone): Look Strauss, what we did was within the laws of the game. Sorry, Bell is out. 


Strauss: But Donhee, this is not in the spirit of the game.

(Suddenly Bhajji intervenes hearing the word ‘spirit’) 


Bhajji (in a theatrical fashion): Guys, have I made it large? 


Dhoni: Abe, tu phir se shuru ho gaya?


Bhajji (now almost close to tears): Sorry, Mahi. The word spirit reminded me of the Royal Stag liquor ad and those memorable lines. I am confronted with that question again after my pathetic bowling in this Test.

(Bhajji goes back to the corner weeping) 


Dhoni (muttering under his breath): Looks like he has completely lost it. Isko drop karna padega. 


Dravid: Look guys, we did everything within the laws of the game. What case do you have? 


Andy Flower (in a pleading tone): But Donhee, the law is an ass. 


Dravid: Andy is right, Dhoni. He’s quoting from Charles Dickens ‘Oliver Twist’. Read it last night before falling asleep.


Dhoni: Yaar ab yeh gadha kahan se aa gaya isme. Ab kya karen? Kuch samajh nahi aa raha… Let’s just toss, shall we? Straussy, heads or tails?

Dhoni takes out his lucky coin and spins it high into the air.


Strauss calls ‘Tails’.


Just as the coin lands on the floor, spins a bit and seems to be about to settle down, Sachin, who had hitherto been looking out of the window, yells ‘Aila…plane!’


Everyone rushes to the window to catch a glimpse. Everyone except Andy Flower, who quietly kneels down to have a look at the coin, glances up to check on the distracted players and noiselessly flips the coin to make it Tails up!


And the rest is history!


(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)