Mitchell Johnson © IANS
By UnReal Mama
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
With all the drama and action happening off-field, tuning into the match seemed rather difficult. It is a testament to our passion for cricket and relentless commitment towards reporting events as they take place that we sacrificed NewsHour, flushed every bit of doubt, cynicism and analytical thinking from our minds and hearts, and sat down to watch the first of the playoffs. In hindsight, that may have saved our eardrums as well. If Mumbai Indians skipper Rohit Sharma had any confidence going into the match, owing to his team’s 100 per cent record in the league stage over Chennai Super Kings, it quickly evaporated when mentor Anil Kumble pulled him aside for a chat.
His counterpart Dhoni on the other hand went through the same emotions, only in the reverse order.
Strike bowler Mitchell Johnson, however, knew something that the two captains didn’t. When he noticed who was bowling at the other end, the Australian’s chest swelled with pride, and the pacer steamed in the first ball…
Mitchell Johnson: “It’s a privilege to bowl in tandem with Munaf Patel” #MIvsCSK
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
…only for it to be dispatched as quickly to the boundary by Michael Hussey. The Delhi pitch was as much help to the bowlers as the home conditions were for the Delhi Daredevils this season, and the fielders found themselves on a leather hunt within no time. To make matters worse, Kieron Pollard and Dwayne Smith did their side no favours by combining to send back Murali Vijay. And when Smith spilled a Suresh Raina skier a few overs later, the dreaded T-word entered the discussions.
Replays show that Dwayne Smith has a towel tucked into his trousers behind #MIvsCSK
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
After that, it was smooth sailing for the two left-handers. The duo survived the Ojha scare…
The real danger for the bastman when Ojha is bowling is not getting out but falling asleep at the crease out of sheer boredom #MIvsCSK
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
…and accelerated without breaking into a sweat, prompting Subramaniam Badrinath to fling his bat and pads in frustration and retire to the dressing room for a session of batting in Street Cricket on his Play Station.
As Hussey and Raina’s partnership stretched into the final overs, MSD was in an unusually pensive mood in the dugout. Perhaps he had just logged on to Twitter to discover that Vindoo and not the match was the top trend and half of the Vindoo referenced tweets had pictures of the B grade actor sitting next to Sakshi in the VIP box during CSK matches.
Lots of pics of Vindoo Dara Singh with Sakshi Dhoni during IPL. She’ll soon clarify that she wasn’t sakshi to any of his shady activities.
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
Mumbai Indians began with a blast. With Pondulkar boosting morale with their presence in the dugout as against in the middle, Dwayne Smith rendered valuable service to Yes Bank, by tonking ball after ball into the stands. At 86/1 in seven overs, MI seemed on track to chase down CSK’s imposing score. A couple more overs, and even Mumbai might not be able to choke from that platform.
But then, when times are dire, mortals turn to supernatural powers. Just like the devas turned to Mahadev when demonic forces threatened the very fabric of heaven and earth, skipper Dhoni called upon the supernatural power, the supreme deity, the divine Sir Ravindra Jadeja who was hitherto observing severe penance at long on.
Sir signalled to fate that he would be taking Smith’s wicket
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
Having never been as close as 22 yards to a God, an overawed Dwayne Smith holed out. Sir Jadeja, however, was by no means satisfied. He dried up the runs, trapped Dinesh Karthik LBW and shattered the morale of the Mumbai middle order.
Unlike the league stage, Sir Jadeja shows no signs of reining in his divinity #CSKvsMI
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
Dhoni did his best to blunt the impact…
Dhoni masking Sir’s divine radiance by bowling cannon fodder Chris Morris at the other end #CSKvsMI
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
…but to no avail. Skipper Rohit Sharma once again gave into his craving for Maggie, which means it was left to the big man Kieron Pollard to take Mumbai home. The burly Trinidadian briefly risked blasphemy by tonking Sir Jadeja for two maximums, but natural order resumed in the end when Pollard scythed one straight to Hussey at square leg.
I am beginning to believe in those Sir Jadeja jokes now #CSKvsMI
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
With his job done, Sir retired to long on to resume his penance, even as the rest of the CSK bowlers fed on the Mumbai tailenders much like hyenas feed on a carcass after the lion has had its fill. The orange cap returned to Hussey, and the purple cap returned to Bravo.
Orange Cap, Purple Cap, Table Topper, Fair Play Topper.. the only thing CSK don’t have is the wooden spoon. I’m sure N Srini will find a way
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) May 21, 2013
The CSK boys took off to celebrate the win. Skipper MSD, however had more pressing matters to attend to after the match.
(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.com. “
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