Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard experiences first hand the long-suffering plight of Indian cricket fan suffering from Ravi Shastri as a commentator
Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard experiences first hand the long-suffering plight of Indian cricket fan suffering from Ravi Shastri as a commentator

 

By UnReal Mama

 

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

 

ICC Match Referee Ranjan Madugalle reduced Virat Kohli’s offence from Level 2 (using language or gestures that is obscene and insulting to spectators) to Level 1.5 (doing so under extenuating circumstances) after the latter clarified that he had resorted to the obscene gesture to vent his frustration over Ravi Shastri’s banal commentary and did not mean any disrespect to the spectators.

 

Yaar, ek to my form is pathetic, uppar se yeh commentary,” said Kohli in his defense.

 

“Virat’s behavior is understandable given that I was also doing exactly the same thing from my room. So I have now let off theDelhi boy with a mild reprimand and asked him to henceforth avoid listening to ‘Shastri-Sound’ when not on the field,” informed Mr. Madugalle.

 

While Kohli’s reaction has been appropriately handled, the incident seems to have had no impact whatsoever on Ravi Shastri, who went on to cause Indian cricket fans a mass ‘I-wish-I-was-deaf’ cringe moment the same day when he asked Australian PM, Julia Gillard, whether she liked Indian curry during her brief appearance in the commentary box.

 

Unbelievably, the question seems to have charmed Julia, who went on to ask Shastri out on a date.

 

“Yeah, it seems Julia has flipped hard for Shastri. Especially after he said ‘that went to the boundary like a tracer bullet’ to describe a Michael Clarke square cut a few seconds later, which Ms. Gillard felt was ‘cool’,” informed a befuddled Mr. Craig McMellon, Ms. Gilliard’s personal secretary.

 

“Yeah, I know, women behave strangely, especially when it comes to cricketers,” he added, shrugging his shoulders.

 

Julia and Shastri will now enjoy a dinner date in ‘Guru da Dhaba’, a popular Indian restaurant off Sydney’s Bondi Beach to sample some spicy Indian curries including saag paneer.

 

When The Unreal Times sought confirmation regarding the rendezvous, Shastri reflexively replied, “Looks like we have a match on our hands,” but refused to elaborate further and disconnected.

 

Reacting swiftly to this development, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has offered to let Australia keep Shastri as a token of appreciation for permitting Australian sale of iranium for Indian nuclear reactors.

 

Congress leader Digvijay Singh said his party is keeping its fingers crossed regarding Australia’s response to the offer. “If we manage to keep Shastri back in Australia and spare hapless Indian viewers from any more of his soporific commentary, maybe, just maybe, we can get the middle classes back on our side,” noted Digvijay Singh, making perfect sense for once.

 

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)