Published: Nov 04, 2012, 12:11 AM (IST)
Edited: Nov 04, 2012, 12:11 AM (IST)
Salman Khurshid (L) and Mohammad Azharuddin
Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
Mohammd Azharuddin, former India captain Congress MP from Moradabad, joined Salman Khurshid’s press conference a few days back to defend him against allegations of corruption. However, after that press conference, Azharuddin has never publicly defended Khurshid.
Khurshid, now the Minister for External Affairs, manages to track down Azhar’s number and reaches him on the phone.
The phone rings and Azhar picks it up.
Mohammad Azhar (MA): Hello?
Salman Khurshid (SK): Hi Azhar.
MA (after a pause): Er… Hi Salman bhai. How did you get this number?
SK: Don’t worry. Even if you change your number every day, I will track down your latest number. After that press conference, you never came to defend me. Why?
MA: Salman bhai, in these corruption-friendly conditions, one needs to put up a defendable target. Rs 71 Lakhs is such a small target, difficult to defend with even the best attack in the world.
SK: I am in no mood for your wisecracks. Listen, it’s obvious now that Robert Vadra has political ambitions. If he decides to contest from his home town Moradabad for the Lok Sabha, what will you do? Even I will not defend your seat if you treat me like this.
MA (laughing): Salman bhai, your sense of humor is better than mine. Forget Moradabad, even if Robert Vadra asks for Farrukhabad, you will not be able to do anything.
SK (angrily): Azhar, mind your language!
MA: Relax, Salman bhai, Again you are overreacting, as you did in that press conference. I will offer you some advice: don’t take the attack head on. There is no need to hit every question out of the park. Learn to use your wrists to deflect the attack. Footwork and timing are more important than brute force. Temperament is as important as skill.
SK: But why are you not defending me? At least tell me the reason and I will not pester you again.
MA (tensely): Well, someone is blackmailing me not to defend you.
SK (angrily): Who is it? Just tell me and I will take care of him.
MA: Arvind Kejriwal.
SK (in a furious tone): That guttersnipe! Just expose him. You have my full support.
MA: No, Salman bhai. It is me who will get exposed!
SK: But what wrong have you done?
MA: Err… He has evidence about my match-fixing activities.
SK (scoffs): Even after so many years away from international cricket, you still indulge in match fixing? Disgusting.
MA (annoyed): Salman bhai, now this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black.
SK: OK, forget it. Tell me what exactly happened.
MA: Well. Arvind Kejriwal called me the other day. He said a lot of ‘mango’ cricketers had provided him evidence about my match-fixing activities. He said he had all the evidence of the quid pro quo I was involved in. He told me, “I exposed Robert Vadra. Since Salman Khurshid defended him, I went after him. If you defend him, I will come after you. Anyways, my highest priority is to expose corruption in the top leadership of the country and am not really looking at going after cricketers. Also, if I expose you for match-fixing, then to prove my fairness and neutrality, I will be forced to expose Modi for some other wrongdoing. They YP Singh will accuse me of not exposing Sharad Pawar. Doing all this will be a distraction from my mission. So I am offering you a quid pro quo. Just stay out of the Khurshid issue and I will not expose you.”
SK (excitedly): Did you just say he will be forced to expose Modi? Then we must force him. Wait till I will tell Soniaji about this.
MA: Relax, Salman bhai. It’s Lalit Modi he was talking about. What were you thinking?
SK: Hmm. So you will no longer defend me then. Okay, bye.
MA: Wish you all the best for your joint venture plans with Suresh Kalmadi for the next Paralympics.
SK: Thanks Azhar. Goodnight.
Azhar: Good night Salman bhai.
(Pankaj Vaidya is passionate about reading, writing, computer programming, value investing, yoga, cycling and motorcycling. The above article is reproduced with permission from http://www.
