OMG! What did Navjot Sidhu do!

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

In a tragic turn of events, Sanju Dhakkampel, the drummer on IPL Extra Innings who breaks into a guffaw and plays the drums every time Navjot Singh Sidhu mouths a Sidhuism and screams “Thoko Taali”, was found dead in his one-bedroom apartment in North Mumbai. Investigators found a note on a desk in the apartment, presumably written by the deceased. The note read: “I can’t do this anymore. F**k Sidhu. F**k IPL. I’m quitting this world. Thoko Taali.

– Sanju”

“Prima facie this looks like a case of suicide,” said Inspector Tukaram. “However, there is this strange beatific smile on his face, so we have sent the body for autopsy to rule out foul play and confirm our initial investigation.”

Sanju’s family, however, has filed an FIR against IPL and Sony Max, holding them responsible for creating the dangerous work conditions that led Sanju to take the ultimate step.

IPL authorities haven’t yet made an official statement on the incident and the subsequent FIR, but an IPL official told The UnReal Times on condition of anonymity that it isn’t looking good for them. “It is reasonable to assume that any judge who has been exposed to Sidhu either on Extra Innings or on the multitude of shows that Sidhu appears in, will obviously sympathize with the complainant. So we definitely have a fight on our hands,” he rued. “It was all because of the damn rain on the day of the opening ceremony. If the ceremony had started on time, we wouldn’t have had Sidhu on air for so long, and Sanju’s exposure to him wouldn’t have crossed the daily critical limit.”

The other participants on Extra Innings – the anchors and the “experts” – have expressed shock at Sanju’s sudden demise. “I feel for Sanju. His was indeed a hazardous role. I can’t imagine what it must take to fake a laugh at Sidhu’s Sidhuisms and strike a decent rhythm on those instruments,” said Sameer Kochhar, as he removed a pair of earplugs after yet another Extra Innings session.

“The problem is,” Kochhar added, “being a drummer, he is supposed to keep his ears open in order to listen to what he plays, so he cannot do what we do. All of us on the show — be it Mr Sunil Gavaskar, Shoaib [Akhtar], Archana — wear ear plugs while talking to Sidhu. We don’t need to listen to Sidhu because with him there’s no concept of a conversation, the man anyway says whatever he likes regardless of the question. Sanju obviously couldn’t do that, and paid the ultimate price.”

The UnReal Times reached Navjot Singh Sidhu for a comment, but we don’t know what he said to our correspondent because we haven’t been able to locate him ever since he left for Sidhu’s residence.
(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.com , “Unreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal. The above spoof was first publish in UnReal Times)