Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) has claimed that former Australian spinner Shane Warne is dating Veena Malik © Getty Images
Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) has claimed that former Australian spinner Shane Warne is dating Veena Malik © Getty Images

 

By Rahul Roushan

 

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

 

Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) has claimed that former Australian spinner Shane Warne is dating Veena Malik, former girlfriend of banned Pakistani pacer Mohammad Asif, and it’s Veena who is running a “match-fixing racket” and giving tips to Warne to place lucrative bets. PCB has declared that it would raise this issue in the next ICC board meeting and expose the real match fixers and the ringmasters.

 

“How could Shane Warne successfully predict that IndiaEngland match would result in a tie?” PCB chairman Ijaz Butt repeated fourth times in as many days since the news of Shane Warne doing a Paul the Octopus hit the headlines.

 

Are they seeing each other and overseeing the World Cup matches?

 

Butt further went on to claim that Warne was given this “insider info” by his new girlfriend Veena Malik, who is currently working as a cricket expert with leading Hindi news channel India TV, and the former Australian spinner has made a killing through successful betting on the eve of the match last Sunday in Bangalore.

 

“My sources inform me that Warne made 2.37 million dollars,” Ijaz Butt claimed after persistent questions by journalists, but refused to explain how he could get such accurate information about match-fixing amount involved and who his “sources” were.

 

As per their theory, PCB claims that Veena runs a match-fixing racket and she lures cricketers into it. First she trapped Mohammad Asif, and after the Pakistani pacer was banned for seven years, Veena decided to target Warne, who is believed to have gotten into relationships with 1,000 women but caught only five times.

 

“Veena Malik contacted one Indian cricketer as well before Warne but the deal couldn’t go through,” Ijaz Butt made one startling claim after another and thanked his own PCB for attempting to “clean the system”.

 

This is not the first time when Ijaz Butt has accused people of match-fixing. Last year he had accused English cricketers of taking “enormous amounts of money” to lose a Test match, but later he withdrew the charges and apologized for his comments when ECB (English Cricket Board) threatened legal action against him.

 

“I am not going to apologize this time,” Ijaz Butt declared.

 

The claims of PCB have left the cricketing world shocked. BCCI refused to comment as Butt didn’t name any Indian player but the board officials promised to take a good look into Veena. Warne too refused to comment but his current girlfriend Liz Hurley is reported to be upset with Warne’s latest googly.

 

Meanwhile India TV is planning a special show tonight titled “Butt ke butt per Veena ka vaar” where Veena Malik will rubbish all charges of Ijaz Butt.

 

(Rahul Roushan, is a graduate from IIM Ahmedabad, who goes by the name of “Pagal Patrakar” (that’s “Crazy Journalist” in Hindi). Rahul says for him, “satire is an attempt to point out shortcomings or oddities in our society, ideally with a message and intent for betterment, in a non-hostile manner and without sounding overtly accusative or pontificating.” He is the Managing Editor of www.fakingnews.com from where the above article has been sourced with permission)