Ravi Shastri labels Advisory Committee ‘Friendship Club’; Arvind Kejriwal lends support

“That’s not what the doctor order,” Ravi Shastri’s booming voice beat the Thursday thunders in South Mumbai as also entire Worli heard him. The anger and disappointment could be felt in the voice as the former Indian team director did not get the head coach’s job and Anil Kumble beat him in the race.

It was always going to be Shastri vs Kumble. The rest 50 odd other candidates had no chance. And this tough decision had to be made by the Cricket Advisory Committee (CAC) comprising of Sourav Ganguly, VVS Laxman and Sachin Tendulkar all former teammates of Anil Kumble.

Commonly known as the “voice of BCCI”, Shastri for the first time in his life accused BCCI of wrongful conduct. Speaking exclusively to the author, Shastri with his usual straightforwardness said, “Is it a friendship club or what? What rubbish is this? If your own friends are a part of selection process, you are bound to win. I was definitely the more experienced candidate. Can Anil even spin the ball. I can and can bat better too? Did he ever win an Audi or bring drinks to a World Champion team? For last two years, I have been running around the side like a tracer bullet and Kumble clinched it. Bullshit!” READ MORE: Virat Kohli, Shikhar Dhawan and other cricketers welcome Anil Kumble as India’s head coach

There were reports that the CAC was in favour of Kumble 2-1, so it is believed that Shastri got one vote. “Where do you think I got that one vote, sonny?” He further added, “Had the panel been comprised of Sunil Gavaskar and Shrikant instead of Ganguly and Laxman, I would have won 3-0 easily. Laxman has always been a great friend of Anil so he was definitely going to vote for him. Sachin was going to vote for me being a fellow Mumbaikar and so it all depended on Ganguly’s vote. And the only reason Sourav voted for Anil is to make up for not selecting Anil in the 2003 World Cup final!”

Kejriwal blames Modi for the debacle

Shastri found support in Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal, who sympathised with the former and suspected Prime Minister Narendra Modi in the foul play. “I know how Shastri ji is feeling. I feel the same way when Modi ji and Governor of Delhi do not allow me to do my job. This is what happens when politics enters sports,” Kejriwal said. ALSO READ: Ravi Shastri expresses disappointment on India head coach snub

Elaborating further on the issue, he added, “BCCI President Anurag Thakur is a BJP member, we know Kumble’s association with BJP and how they tried to rope in Ganguly as well. That is what BJP, which is run by a dictator does. This is not a democracy. We stand by Aam Aadmi Ravi Shastri. Shastri ji has promised me that he will allow me to do a post-match presentation ceremony once. I am as such tired doing only movie reviews!”

Let us see what Kejriwal does next. An open letter? A press conference? Or a dharna?

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

[Dr. Devashish Palkar is a sports aficionado, news addict and a patient of OCSD ( Obsessive Compulsive Satirical Disorder)].