Ravi Shastri replaces Meira Kumar as Speaker of the Lok Sabha!



By Ashwin Kumar

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

In one of the most sensational developments in Indian politics, Meira Kumar has been temporarily rested as Speaker of the Lok Sabha to make way for former Indian Test cricketer and TV commentator Ravi Shastri. 


Prime Minister Manmohan Singh is believed to have been the brain behind Shastri’s induction following the latter’s interesting encounter with Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard in the commentary box during the recent Sydney Test. 


“Got to ask Madam during my next briefing, ‘Do you like gol guppas?’ I’ll surely get an extension after that,” Dr. Singh reportedly remarked while praising Shastri at a recent cabinet meeting.


At a special session of the Lok Sabha convened on Friday, External Affairs SM Krishna introduced Shastri to Members of Parliament as a former Pakistan captain and tennis commentator after which the latter kicked off a special session of the House of People.


A brief transcript of this historic session which was obtained from PRS is presented for the benefit of our readers:


Shastri (grandly): Good morning to all the viewers who are watching this all over the world. It is a wonderful day for politics. Bright sunshine, lush green outfield. The atmosphere is electric, the noise is deafening, and the crowd is on its feet! Ladies & gentlemen, we should be in for a cracker. Now, before I start the proceedings, let me introduce the Congress party.


Ravi Shastri reads out the names of senior Congress leaders from his notes, and turns to the opposition


Shastri: I’ve got with me the president of the opposition, Nitin Gadkari… Nitin, if I may have a word with you?


Nitin Gadkari (slightly confused): Uh… theek hai


Shastri: Well, Nitin, first of all, things haven’t been looking too good for your side. What is the mood like in the party room? Any changes to your side?”


Nitin Gadkari: Er… we have inducted former UP Minister Kushwaha


Shastri: Well, have a good one Nitin


Nitin Gadkari: Thank you Ravi


Shastri (facing the house): Well, ladies and gentlemen, the news from the center is that the BJP is headed towards a loss and has decided to self-destruct. Okay, let the game begin. Narayanaswamy has the ball.


Narayanaswamy begins his address about the government version of Lokpal, and within minutes he’s interrupted by members from the various opposition parties. Ravi Shastri struggles to control this situation, unable to find a suitable cliche. Eventually he turns to the marshall standing on his right and says…


Shastri: Just get the feeling here, that this session will go down to the wire. The marshall stares back at Shastri with a blank expression. 


Meanwhile the arguments between members intensify.Tony Grieg, Ian Chappell, Robin Jackman and Sunil Gavaskar are seen standing in the visitor’s gallery, pointing at Shastri and laughing their asses off.


Shastri: Interesting session of play. Just get the feeling here, Chappelli, that something is going to give…..


Suddenly, Rajniti Prasad springs out of nowhere, grabs the papers from Narayanswamy’s hands and tears them to pieces. Seeing no end to the chaos, Shastri decides to conclude the session.


Shastri: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have had a colorful day of deliberations here, over 300 papers have been torn, 100 chairs have been broken and it is only fair to say that in the end, the game of politics is the winner.


(Ashwin Kumar is an untrained musician, singer, writer/blogger, satirist, T Rajendar (pseudo)-fanatic, mimic, passionate about stopping female foeticide)


(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)