Road in Bangalore named in honour of Chris Gayle

Chris Gayle (left) breaks into dance after hearing that a road has been named after him © IANS

By Vish Hariharan
 
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

As a sign of their gratitude for his brilliance in winning matches single-handedly for Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) in the Indian Premier League (IPL), the Karnataka Assembly has decided to honour Chris Gayle by naming one of Bangalore’s arterial roads after him.

A statue of him wielding the bat is to be installed at the cross-roads. Sources say that it was majorly due to the perseverance and efforts of Dr Vijay Mallya, the erstwhile ‘King of Good Times’ and owner of RCB franchise, that such an important decision was possible.

It was also noted that during the ‘Gayle motion’ in the Assembly, proceedings were unexpectedly quite amicable with none of the usual scenes of chair throwing, mike snatching, swearing and walk-out reported. Although it was pointed out by most members of the house that Gayle was not an Indian National/local, a earlier bill to this effect was passed changing his name from Chris Gayle to Krishna Gowda thus granting him citizenship. The next bill on the road renaming was an unanimous decision.

Traffic rules on the Chris Gayle [aka Krishna Gowda] Road would be quite stringent for a few RCB players, especially RP Singh who has been known to ‘cross the line’before.

In an interview in his Goa estate, which is now on the verge of being sold out to pay off salaries of Kingfisher employees, Dr. Mallya was at his emotional best when asked why he specifically vouched for Gayle’s name. He mumbled: “Look, as far as RCB is concerned, our chances of making the play-offs are decided entirely by him. Gone are the days when one would gift a Mercedes, beach bungalow or a ring. That is too passé for a man on whose shoulders the hopes of my franchise’s (and group) rest on. And far we are doing pretty well. Hence the road christening.”

He went on draw analogies, saying that while Gayle resembled his growing UB Business, Son Sid was like his (defunct) airline business.
 
It was interesting to note that Kohli’s name did not come up. Dr. Mallya quickly reasoned: “The kid is immensely talented, but he cannot sing the ‘O La La La Le O’ tune for nuts, all though he has been a part of the team for some time now. Even in the Kingfisher ads on TV he just lip-syncs. It’s not even as difficult as that vernacular “Korbo Lorbo” s**t. When I tried teaching it to him over a couple of beers, he angrily muttered something referring to a few female members of my family, which I didn’t understand since my knowledge of Hindi is limited. He also made a few strange gestures with his fingers which I did not quite like.”

When asked how he felt about lending his name to a road in Bangalore, a visibly excited Gayle was all smiles: “In the Caribbean, this would never have been possible even if I had scored three triple hundreds like ‘Sir SRJ’ [Ravindra Jadeja] himself.”

When asked why, Gayle replied: “Because there is only beaches there Maan, no roads!” and laughed as only he can.

(Vish Hariharan, who writes under the pen name of “Newsense” is an IIM (Ahmedabad) graduate. He blogs at “From The Dog’s Mouth”. The above spoof was posted on www.fakingnews.com, from where it’s reproduced with permission)