Sachin Tendulkar acknowledges the applause of the Wankhede crowd as he walks back to the pavilion © IANS
By UnReal Mama
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
“Honey, it’s getting late! Did you even see the time?” She nagged.
He ignored her.
“Don’t you have to get to work?” She persisted.
He groaned.
“Will you get off the couch?” She demanded with her hands on hips.
He didn’t respond, and eventually She left in a huff.
“Phew!” exhaled God in relief, as his consort slammed the door behind her. And then He turned up the volume on his 90 inch television and screamed “Sachin! Sachin!”
His final innings. His last hurrah. No judgement, but if you weren’t following the match today morning, you’re cuckoo!
Have been screaming “Sachin! Sachin!” since 9-30. Neighbour barged in angrily, stared at me, and then joined in #SachinSachin
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
A bevy of celebrities glittered around the stadium. Hrithik Roshan, Aamir Khan, Kiran Rao and Rahul Gandhi. Rajeev Shukla had a hard time picking a celeb to tag along with. Eventually he decided that Krrish’s recent success perhaps edged Hrithik a touch ahead in terms of popularity and grabbed the seat next to him. On the field, the contest began.
Now, every epic superhero needs an epic supervillain. To call Tino “Shakaal” Best an epic supervillain would perhaps be an insult to villains, but he was keyed up enough to spoil the party today. Tino tested the master, peppering him with several short balls.
Meanwhile Rahul Gandhi heckles Tino Best at the boundary. Crowd chants “Rahul! Rahul!” #IndvsWI (via @ashwinskumar)
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
Sachin tried to be cheeky with some of those, trying to uppercut them over the slip region, but all in vain. When one of those unsuccessful uppercuts drew a fervent appeal for caught behind from the Windies and was subsequently turned down, Tino Best screamed in frustration.
The calm under unprecedented pressure of the great man was once again there for all to see.
So much expectations, so much pressure, fans screaming their hands off. Still the great man does it. Richard Kettleborough! Bravo! #Wankhede
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
Tino continued to bother the master, playing up his antics everytime he beat him, kicking in the air, shaking his head ruefully, going down on his haunches and so on, until the master put a stop to the Balaji Telefilms audition by playing THAT shot – the Tendulkar straight drive.
Tino Bested. #GodsStraightDrive #ThankYouSachin
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
He then unfurled perhaps the second most worshipped Sachin shot, the upright backfoot punch. Up there in the commentary team, Sunil Gavaskar excused himself to the washroom to weep in ecstasy, and Ravi Shastri took over the reins for the first time that morning. Cue Facepalm across the world.
Ravi Shastri says good morning, and then talks about score, lead, partnership and other game parameters. Facepalm #IndvsWI
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
Sachin crossed the half century mark, sending the spectators in the stadium and around the world in a frenzy. Even Bollywood celebs put aside their fancy shades and cheered lustily. Well, most of them…
Heart goes out to Kangana Ranaut. First a role with Vivek Oberoi, and now her movie Rajjo releases the day God’s batting #SachinSachin
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
A few others began to see the big picture…
Manish Tewari’s possible quote after the day. “It was Rahulji’s holistic presence at Wankhede that helped Sachin score his ton” #IndvsWI
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
Alas, it was not to be. The master edged a Deonaraine (Ed: No idea who the hell this chap is) delivery to slips where Sammy, bless his soul, pulled off an athletic catch. Sachin’s wicket felt like a punch to the gut, followed by a kick in the nether regions when the camera panned to Rahul Gandhi clapping in the stands, but then what can one do? We gotta take what we get.
The master departed to a standing ovation bringing to the crease Virat Kohli who lucidly summarised everyone’s feelings for Deonaraine.
Kohli comes in and gives a MCBC to whoever got God’s wicket
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
Thank you Sachin. We enjoyed the masterclass.
And Dhoni, our apologies.
Gonna cheer hardcore for Windies the next two days, just so that we can have another glimpse of Sachin in the 2nd innings #ThankYouSachin
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) November 15, 2013
WEST INDIES!!! WEST INDIES!!! DHAM DHAM DHAM!
(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.com. “Unreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)
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