As a baby, Stuart Broad was rocketed to Earth just before his home planet, Krypton, exploded. Fortuitously for English cricket, the rocket, carrying the baby superhero, landed in Chris Broad’s farmhouse in Nottingham
Stuart Broad’s superhuman exploits with bat and ball have left cricket fans stunned. So much so that people are wondering whether Broad does indeed possess superhero like abilities. Well, this much is certain — Broad is certainly not normal at times, but conflicting narratives have emerged regarding his true identity.
James Cock, the Unreal Times English cricket correspondent, presents both versions and leaves it to readers to make their own inferences.
Stuart Broad was not really born to Chris Broad, the former English opening batsman bowler and current ICC match referee. In fact, he’s not even a homo sapien, let alone an Englishman. As a baby, Stuart Broad was rocketed to earth just before his home planet, Krypton, exploded. Fortuitously for English cricket, the rocket, carrying the baby superhero, landed in Chris Broad’s farmhouse in Nottingham.
Chris became aware of Stuart’s superpowers when the then nine-year old Stuart mistook his dad’s cricket ball for a red cherry and ate it! Realizing that the lad would be able to rescue English cricket from its slump. The late 80s and 90s were the dark ages for English cricket; even Zimbabwe fancied their chances against England while the Australians annihilated them in Ashes after Ashes.
Stuart Broad was encouraged to play the game. His doting dad taught him the game’s basics and instilled strong cricketing moral values in him. Stuart’s true identity was camouflaged by bringing him up as a ‘girlie man’. Those long tresses, androgynous looks and generally sissy behavior such as puking on the field or arguing occasionally with umpires like a crybaby were mean to hoodwink cricket fans.
“After his recent exploits, I think people see Stuart for what he is, the all English Superman and not a girlie man,” said a proud Chris Broad, eyes brimming with tears.
Most readers may rightly find this narrative hackneyed, but the fact of the matter is that the comic book character ‘Superman’ was based on the life of Stuart and not the other way round. According to Chris Broad, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster created the comic book character ‘Superman’ in 1933 after time travelling into the future and witnessing Stuart Broad’s performance on Days 1 and 2 of the Trent Bridge Test between India and England.
The Indian team has an altogether different version. “Don’t get fooled by Chris’s chikna looks. He’s actually some sort of a Frankenstein’s monster or Yuvraj Singh’s monster to be technically precise,” said an irate member of the team who understandably preferred to remain anonymous.
According to him, Yuvraj Singh may have inadvertently turned the affable, harmless Stuart Broad into a monster bent upon seeking revenge after Yuviaj tonked him for six sixes off consecutive deliveries in the 2007 T-20 World Championship in South Africa. It may now be payback time for that humiliation.
(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)
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