The perfect finisher! Now, Dhoni to launch his own Saunf brand
Virat Kohli guided India to the semi-finals of T20 World Cup 2016 © AFP

Capitalizing on over a decade of his hard work at the end of every innings, Indian captain MS Dhoni will soon be launching his own brand of post-meal Fennel seeds, popularly known as Saunf, titled ‘Dhoni Saunf – The Perfect Finisher.’

“Well, of course, you know, every meal has got to have a good finish. You might eat some great soups, starters and entrees, but if your desserts and mouth fresheners aren’t good, the meal will still make its place into your bad books. The memory of the meal will fail to generate positive, happy feelings within you, unless it had a great ending. It’s very simple – which innings of Sachin Tendulkar would you rather cherish – his 134 against Australia in Sharjah, or his 175 in the match in which we ended up losing? Obviously, the former, right? The finish is everything, be it in a match or in a meal,” Captain Cool told The UnReal Times.

“I had already established myself as the finisher a few years ago, but I just wanted to see if I could sustain that image. After more than a decade now, I feel confident of maintaining this identity for the rest of my career. So I felt that the time was ripe to launch my own brand of saunf. So from now on, it doesn’t matter if you meal was good or if it sucked, eat Dhoni Saunf at the end and give your mouth some long-lasting good taste!” Dhoni added.

Leading retail stores online and offline have already received massive pre-orders for the Saunf. “In a fitting tribute to Dhoni, true to his spirit, we will be offering a 50% discount for those who purchase the product in between 11:59:55 pm and 12:00:00 am every night,” online retail site Flipkart told The UnReal Times.

Dhoni’s new product has already slashed all possible threats from competitors. “Cheh, I was all excited about launching Patanjali saunf soon. Now, with Dhoni Saunf coming in, I think I’ve to cancel our product. Or, I’ve to offer it free for those who chant Bharat Mata Ki Jai. Damn you, Dhoni!” Yoga guru Baba Ramdev sighed. Tamil Nadu CM J Jayalalithaa too, expressed her disappointment. “With elections coming soon and as our term approaches its end, I wanted to literally and figuratively leave a good taste in the mouth and Amma Sompu clearly was the way to go. With Chennai’s own Dhoni posing a big threat, our market looks bleak,” the CM expressed.

Dhoni, however, faced a backlash from actor and former sportsman Yograj Singh. “How dare he? What the f*** does he think of himself? I will make sure that Yuvi launches his own Paan soon. We can call it Paagalpaan! It will eat up Dhoni Saunf and Dhoni will go penniless soon! Mark my words!” a livid Yograj thundered.

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)