What if two Australians are suddenly unfit or injured before the Mohali Test? Will they have 11 players?

Would Australia find themselves in a position where they may be forced to ask its 39-year-old batting coach Michael Di Venuto (above) to make his Test debut, should there be an emergency? © Getty Images

By Rahul Namjoshi

The last time the Australian cricket team looked extremely pathetically was when Kim Hughes broke down emotionally in front of the media. Michael Clarke’s latest ‘tactical masterstroke’ in disciplining four of his team-mates eclipses that feat. The Australian captain, in one sweeping decision, has given India the opportunity to stretch their winning run and make the series scoreline 4-0. If India doesn’t win 4-0 against this Australian team, questions will be raised. Far more questions than when the team was whipped 0-4 in both England and Australia. This is Clarke’s moment of Gandhigiri: “If someone slaps you on one cheek the offer your other cheek”. Quite, cheeky!

The question that arises following the Australian team management’s unprecedented disciplinary action: What happens if two of the 12 Australian players available for selection get injured ahead of the Mohali Test? Coach Mickey Arthur can’t play because he is a South African. Will the Test be forfeited? Maybe, Michael Di Venuto, who played nine One-Day Internationals in 1997, can be penciled in. He is now the team’s batting coach and he can show his protégés on how to bat against the Indian spinners on turning tracks. The protégés are going to enjoy that for sure!

The Great Wall of China is supposedly the only man made thing that is visible from the space. This Line in Sand will become the second man-made structure to rival it!

One has to make futile attempts to be humorous while writing an article. But this incident will always remain funny even if a dumb writer like self tries hard to make it unfunny.

This is what Shane Watson could have written. Alas the coach and the captain beat him to it (as per his own statement)

Three points how I/ the team could have done better:

1. Bat better

2. Bowl better

3. Become an MBA to make better presentations

India has managed to do what no other cricket playing nation has achieved. It has managed to Puppify (like Mummify) the body of Australian Cricket in two Test matches. MS Dhoni could go down in the annals of Indian cricket as the first captain to win by default because there were not 11 players in his opposition.  
Shane Watson supposedly has flown back home because of a pre-nat birth of his baby. The rest of the Australian team stays in India to mourn the pre-nat death of its tough sporting pride.

(Rahul Namjoshi, an utter failure as an MBA, has no published novel to boast of and hence trying the next best thing – blogging. There, too, the results there aren’t too encouraging. Rahul pens his thoughts on the game in a blog called “Not Cricket”)

The Michael Clarke-Mickey Arthur Bombshell