Published: Oct 03, 2014, 08:10 AM (IST)
Edited: Oct 29, 2014, 05:38 PM (IST)
Q: What is the height of optimism?
A: An English batsman applying sunscreen.
Q: What does Alan Mullally put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A: A bat.
Q: What would Glenn McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A: An all-rounder.
Q: What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A: Three runs in three balls.
Q: Why don’t English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A: Because they never catch anything.
Q: What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his names?
A: A bowler.
Q: What was the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
A: The walk back to the pavilion.
Q: Who has the easiest job in the English touring party?
A: The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q: What advantage do Nasser Hussain, Mark Ramprakash, Dean Headley, Alex Tudor, Alan Mullally, the Hollioakes, Mark Alleyne and Graeme Hick have over the rest of their team-mates?
A: At least they can say they’re not really English.
Q: Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler on tour?
A: Because he was born in England.
Q: What does “Ashes” stand for?
A: Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q: What’s the English version of LBW?
A: Lost, Beaten, Walloped.
Q: Who spent the most time on the crease of anyone in the English touring party?
A: The person who ironed the cricket whites.
Q: Who is the best English batsman on the present (1977) tour?
A: Ian Botham.
