Arnab Goswami hospitalised — fallout of Chennai Working Committee happenings!

Doctors tending to the NewsHour star Arnab Goswami (above) said his parameters are normal, but have asked him to stop fixating on N Srinivasan and the spot-fixing scandal.

By UnReal Mama

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
Popular news anchor Arnab Goswami was admitted to the Breach Candy Hospital for high blood pressure (BP) after his outrage, always high to begin with, breached new levels, in the wake of N Srinivasan merely stepping aside and not resigning as President of the Board of Control for Cricket in India.

“HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN? THE NATION DEMANDS AN…” were Goswami’s last words before he felt a stabbing pain and had to be rushed out of the studios.

Doctors tending to Goswami said his parameters are normal, but have asked him to stop fixating on N Srinivasan and the spot-fixing scandal. “We are sick of it and now so is he,” said Dr. Gaslightwalla, head of trauma care. The NewsHour star has been asked to instead focus on more nuanced, complex issues that offer lesser scope for theatre, such as slowing Gross domestic product (GDP) growth or the growing trade imbalance. “If he still must outrage over something, he can always badger a bunch of inarticulate Pakistani generals in the company of Mahroof Raza. That’s a safe way to let off steam,” Dr. Gaslightwalla said.

A tearful Mrs. Goswami told The UnReal Times that she had earlier warned her husband not to over-fixate on Srinivasan and ‘move on’.

“I kept telling him that people really aren’t losing sleep over this and there was no need to overdo the theatrics but he just wouldn’t listen,” she wailed.

Times Group head, Samir Jain, concurred. “He completely lost perspective on this one and even Target Rating Points (TRPs) began to drop after Goswami overplayed his hand. Anyway, we’ll get back to Pakistan bashing, which people never tire off, once Arnab recovers and bounce back,” the media baron told The UnReal Times.

A spokesman for the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) said he had also warned Goswami not to get too emotional about it. “It’s not like Srini is a bad guy and we are all angels. So a compromise formula was always on the cards. Arnab should have been more nuanced in his narrative from the beginning,” he said on condition of anonymity. However, doctors treating Goswami have more worrying issues to grapple with. “He still doesn’t know who N Srinivasan has made way for. We dread what will happen to his BP after we tell him that Jagmohan Dalmiya has taken over as the interim head of the “Working Group” for the “stepping side” BCCI President,” a doctor treating him gasped.

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(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.comUnreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)