BREAKING NEWS: Irfan Pathan nominated to be the SITTING President of Russia!
Vladmir Putin (left) and Irfan Pathan (Courtesy: Getty Images)

During the Indian Premier League (IPL) auction in 2015, Irfan Pathan went unsold in the first round. But then Chennai Super Kings (CSK) realised the need to have more drinks-men so they added him to the squad. He exceptionally performed the role of the bench-warmer the whole season and is now back to doing it in this year’s IPL as well albeit for a different franchise.

Reports are coming that Russian President Vladimir Putin wants Pathan junior to come to Russia as the ‘Winter Is Coming’ and he will need someone to warm his chair. And who else can do it better than Irfan?

According to sources, the Pathan household is excited with the news. Irfan’s dad was quoted as saying, ”I always believed my son would do something big. I wanted him to take the position of Kapil Dev, but it s a moment of pride that he will now be sitting on the same chair as Putin! Inshallah, God is great!”

Our sources close to the banned CSK franchise informed that the plan before the start of last IPL was to keep swapping the role of bench-warmer between Ashish Nehra and Irfan Pathan. But Nehra’s pleasantly good form changed all the equations and ultimately the lanky left-armer made a comeback to Indian national team as well.

Similarly, the Rising Pune Supergiants (RPS) team management has informed that the plan was to keep swapping between slow bowlers Rajat Bhatia and Irfan. But Bhatia has more ball variations than Pathan and is even slower amongst the two, hence he was given more games. Skipper MS Dhoni said, ”Over the years, Irfan has worked very hard to considerably reduce his speed and become a slow bowler, but Bhatia is just the best slow bowler in the world right now!”

Manoj Tiwary, out of contention

According to our sources in Russia, Indian cricketer Manoj Tiwary was another option that Putin considered as his experience of sitting in benches in invaluable but since the cricketer was not found good enough for even benches this season, the Russian Intelligence decided to strike off his name. READ: Indian cricketer Manoj Tiwary excited on his return to national benches

If Irfan keeps going on and off to Russia for warming the chairs, he will easily beat the record of foreign visits set by PM Narendra Modi, who is very nervous after learning this news. Modi has also appointed a standing committee with N Srinivasan as the head to FIX this matter straight!!

Angry Yograj

Meanwhile, Yograj Singh was quoted as saying, ”Dhoni is responsible for all this. My son deserved to go to Russia. But there’s a conspiracy behind it. Dhoni is wretched man.”

P.S.- Irfan Pathan was unavailable for comments as he was busy warming the already hot benches of IPL dugout.

Please note this is a humour article work of pure fiction

[Dr. Devashish Palkar is a sports aficionado, news addict and a patient of OCSD ( Obsessive Compulsive Satirical Disorder)].