Pup’s biting spree continues: Michael Clarke now criticises Sachin Tendulkar and Shane Warne for leaving him out of Cricket All-Stars

It seems that former Australian captain Michael Clarke is criticising anything and everything under the sun these days. He first blasted his former teammates Matthew Hayden and Andrew Symonds. Then he fired a verbal volley at John Buchanan — going to the extent of comparing the former Australian coach with his dog (Yes, Pup’s got a pup and it’s named Jerry!). And now the combative Aussie has trained his guns at Sachin Tendulkar and Shane Warne.

Clarke reportedly went on record to say that the two legends got it all wrong when they didn’t play him in the recently concluded All-Stars League. He said, “I didn’t expect this from legends like Tendulkar and Warne. I should’ve been picked for the (All-Stars) league. After all that is precisely why I retired after the Ashes.”

Clarke is Warne’s best friend and he was shocked when the latter didn’t offer him a contract. Clarke further added that he learnt from his sources that it was a toss-up between Symonds and him for a place in the Warne’s Warriors side, but he was being ignored since Warne preferred the beer-guzzling giant because Clarke’s too serious a cricketer. Clarke went on, “Warney loves to drink and drink heavily, doesn’t he? No wonder he got Symmo, the drunkard on board. Maybe he doesn’t consider me a good limited-overs player too. Earlier he didn’t name me in his best Australia XI.”

Tendulkar, as always, refused to comment on the matter saying he will let his bat do the talking. Warne, who was last seen drinking with Symonds, couldn’t be located for a comment. It is suspected that after the drinking session, the duo had gone fishing! However, like Matthew Hayden, Robin Singh, who was the fielding coach (actually a tourist) for both the teams, commented on the matter saying, “Look, we had offered him a contract to play in the league. Being the youngest player amongst the group of retired blokes, all we demanded from him was the consent to field at close-in positions, since they are dangerous for the oldies in the sides. But he turned it down. Even Courtney Walsh and Sir Curtly Ambrose agreed to field at silly-point, but he didn’t.”

Clarke has rubbished Robin’s claims, saying, “If Warne had asked me to jump off the One World Trade Centre, I would have jumped. That is how much I value the All-Stars League. Robin is simply out of his mind. He’s still living off the fact that he coached a team that anyone, even my dog Jerry, could have coached.”

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction.

(A self-confessed cricket freak, Chinmay Jawalekar is a senior writer with CricLife and CricketCountry. When not writing or following cricket, he loves to read, eat and sleep. He can be followed here @CricfreakTweets)